Earlier this week my students and I were talking about whether sexual experience is a necessary prerequisite for marriage. While they all agreed that sexual activity outside of marriage is a sin, some said they wouldn't want to marry someone who had never kissed anyone before. The general consensus among those students was that to experience your first kiss with your spouse (not your boyfriend or girlfriend) would just be plain awkward. In their minds, you need a little experience first.
But do you?
Do you need to test the waters with other people, or even your future spouse, before you know if marriage is a possibility? And if so, how does this line up with God's design for marriage and purity? The fear of awkwardness with intimate and sexual behavior is actually fear of the unknown, not fear of the act itself. We live in a culture that makes sex (and everything leading up to sex) look polished and mishap free. In the minds of so many young people, experience before the wedding night ensures that this does not happen to them.
But I think they are missing the point. It's not the frequency of activity or sexual prowess that removes awkwardness on the wedding night. It's a covenant.
When God created Eve for Adam the Bible makes the declaration that the man and his wife were both naked and unashamed. Prior to sin they both lived in a completely shame free marriage. While the Bible does not declare whether or not there was awkwardness between the two when they first came together, we do know one thing--they had no shame. Shame came later when sin entered the world. But because of Christ the marriage relationship can now be a place free from shame. Because of Christ a husband and wife can be naked and unashamed again. Outside of the marriage relationship this is not the case. Outside of marriage you live in fear of shame from a person who really has no claim on you.
So what does experience in kissing have to do with this? If it is true that experience in kissing can help determine if a person is one you would want to marry, then there should be no fear or shame associated with that infamous first kiss. How many people feel awkward or nervous leading up to (and immediately after) the first kiss with someone? I know I did. But I can honestly say that this was not the case when I kissed my husband for the first time on our wedding day. And the most obvious answer for me was that at that moment I knew that no matter how bad (or good) I was at kissing, he was not going to leave me. My ability as a kisser was not the determining factor of his love and commitment to me. It was the covenant we had just made before God and our family and friends.
You see, a kiss can lie to you. Maybe you are having a bad day and kissing is just not that appealing to you in that moment. You might determine that the lack of spark or emotion related to kissing that person means you shouldn't be with him or her anymore, when in reality you just have a stomach ache.
You don't have to get to the wedding day with a myriad of kissing partners added to your experience belt. And if you do, it won't necessarily mean that you will be a better spouse or even better suited to engage in sexual activity. In fact, it might do the very opposite. God designed sexual activity to only be experienced between one man and one woman for life. The direct implication is that we become experienced over time with one another. And that is a beautiful, God ordained thing.
While the culture might tell us that the sparks that fly after a kiss determine our compatibility as a couple, the Bible presents a very different story. It tells us that God is the one who sustains the marriage, not the sparks. The butterflies we feel in that moment might be lying to us. They might be telling us that we feel good and like the experience, but they don't tell us whether this relationship can be sustained over a lifetime. And that gets clouded sometimes by the emotion of the moment.
Even the best of kisses can lie to you. What will keep you going long after you say "I do" is not the passion of the kiss, but the promise of our Savior to sustain those who are his.
Showing posts with label Purity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Purity. Show all posts
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Sex, Dating, and Relationships: A Book Review
As a marriage and family teacher, I am always looking for helpful resources on a biblical understanding of marriage, purity, and sex. That's why I was really excited when I learned about this new book by Gerald Hiestand and Jay Thomas, Sex, Dating, and Relationships: A Fresh Approach.
I found myself saying "Yes!" out loud on a number of occasions as I read this book. And I could hardly put it down. Young people today are immersed in a faulty understanding of sex and relationships. The authors understand this and seek to counter that with more than what has been offered in the past. They say:
"Many Christian singles today lack a clear, biblical vision for sexual purity and relationships that extends beyond a truncated 'don't have sex' concept of purity" (11).
The entire book goes much farther than this age old mantra by first giving a biblical framework for our understanding of sex and purity, namely that God's plan for creating sex was to image the spiritual oneness between Christ and the Church (27). Everything God does relates to his image. He wants to be shown forth rightly in this world. And our responsibility as image bearers is to obey his commands. When we engage in sexual activity outside of marriage, we are actually telling a lie about our Creator we were made to image. And he owns the image, meaning he gets to tell us how he wants us to image him. This foundation profoundly shapes the way we talk about sex and purity with today's young people.
From there they talk about why the "how far?" question is insufficient, and then lay some principles for thinking through male/female relationships. Perhaps the most helpful thing they do is define biblically what those relationships are to be. The Bible only gives three categories for male/female relationships: family, neighbor, marriage. Only one of those relationships is permitted (and even commanded) to engage in sexual activity--the marriage relationship. This means that if you wouldn't do it with your neighbor or your brother or sister, you should not do it with your girlfriend or boyfriend. The question "how far is too far?" suddenly becomes irrelevant, or at least more serious. They provide some really helpful comments on the actual lack of commitment that comes with dating relationships, calling it a "mirage". While marriage is a covenant that should guarantee commitment, dating is not, and the other party is allowed to leave at any time with no real consequences, essentially exposing the real dangers inherent in a dating relationship. I found these distinctions extremely helpful in thinking through how I teach these things to my students.
Their chapters on a new definition of dating are sure to be the most controversial with people, but I think they are on to something. They propose a new category of relationships for singles called "dating friendships". These relationships are designed to be intentional in the same way others have talked about biblical dating, but the only difference is that the relationships also includes a level of romantic purity designed to protect both parties from becoming too emotionally attached too soon. Essentially, in a dating friendship both parties would grow as friends with their eye on marriage, but they would not view the other as uniquely there own until engagement. They take their cues from the relationship between Christ and the Church. He only has one Bride, one relationship, and one love, and that is his Church. Focusing on getting to know one another serves one purpose: is this person someone I could (and want to) marry? If so, the man proposes and the couple gets married. Our modern dating culture assumes that romance and dating (and sometimes sexual activity) is necessary for finding a spouse. But the authors present a very clear, albeit counter-cultural, approach that could save a lot of young people from unnecessary heartache. And I would imagine it would expedite a lot of weddings, too.
My only critique of the book was regarding their brief discussion regarding masturbation and other areas of the purity debate. They provide a helpful framework for thinking through such things, especially linking our actions to our motives and our heart. But at one point, in an attempt to encourage those who have stumbled into sexual sin, they say that we should not wallow in guilt over our failure in the area of lust and masturbation (123). While it is true that in Christ we are no longer guilty, and that guilt can be an unhealthy obstacle to joy in Christ and his finished work. Sometimes guilt is a good thing if it causes us to see hidden sin in our lives and drives us to repentance and faith. Especially in the arena of sexual purity there are some instances where the guilt is healthy and necessary for a person to begin the process of change. This section would have been served by such a clarification.
Overall, I loved this book. In fact, I'm thinking of using in my class this semester and at some point integrating it into my curriculum as required reading. It is counter-cultural, but if we are going to make any headway in this problem if sexual impurity in our churches we are going to need to do something radical, like go back to the Bible and see what God says. This is what the authors set out to do, and I think they do it very well. If you work with singles of all ages, this book is worth your time.
I found myself saying "Yes!" out loud on a number of occasions as I read this book. And I could hardly put it down. Young people today are immersed in a faulty understanding of sex and relationships. The authors understand this and seek to counter that with more than what has been offered in the past. They say:
"Many Christian singles today lack a clear, biblical vision for sexual purity and relationships that extends beyond a truncated 'don't have sex' concept of purity" (11).
The entire book goes much farther than this age old mantra by first giving a biblical framework for our understanding of sex and purity, namely that God's plan for creating sex was to image the spiritual oneness between Christ and the Church (27). Everything God does relates to his image. He wants to be shown forth rightly in this world. And our responsibility as image bearers is to obey his commands. When we engage in sexual activity outside of marriage, we are actually telling a lie about our Creator we were made to image. And he owns the image, meaning he gets to tell us how he wants us to image him. This foundation profoundly shapes the way we talk about sex and purity with today's young people.
From there they talk about why the "how far?" question is insufficient, and then lay some principles for thinking through male/female relationships. Perhaps the most helpful thing they do is define biblically what those relationships are to be. The Bible only gives three categories for male/female relationships: family, neighbor, marriage. Only one of those relationships is permitted (and even commanded) to engage in sexual activity--the marriage relationship. This means that if you wouldn't do it with your neighbor or your brother or sister, you should not do it with your girlfriend or boyfriend. The question "how far is too far?" suddenly becomes irrelevant, or at least more serious. They provide some really helpful comments on the actual lack of commitment that comes with dating relationships, calling it a "mirage". While marriage is a covenant that should guarantee commitment, dating is not, and the other party is allowed to leave at any time with no real consequences, essentially exposing the real dangers inherent in a dating relationship. I found these distinctions extremely helpful in thinking through how I teach these things to my students.
Their chapters on a new definition of dating are sure to be the most controversial with people, but I think they are on to something. They propose a new category of relationships for singles called "dating friendships". These relationships are designed to be intentional in the same way others have talked about biblical dating, but the only difference is that the relationships also includes a level of romantic purity designed to protect both parties from becoming too emotionally attached too soon. Essentially, in a dating friendship both parties would grow as friends with their eye on marriage, but they would not view the other as uniquely there own until engagement. They take their cues from the relationship between Christ and the Church. He only has one Bride, one relationship, and one love, and that is his Church. Focusing on getting to know one another serves one purpose: is this person someone I could (and want to) marry? If so, the man proposes and the couple gets married. Our modern dating culture assumes that romance and dating (and sometimes sexual activity) is necessary for finding a spouse. But the authors present a very clear, albeit counter-cultural, approach that could save a lot of young people from unnecessary heartache. And I would imagine it would expedite a lot of weddings, too.
My only critique of the book was regarding their brief discussion regarding masturbation and other areas of the purity debate. They provide a helpful framework for thinking through such things, especially linking our actions to our motives and our heart. But at one point, in an attempt to encourage those who have stumbled into sexual sin, they say that we should not wallow in guilt over our failure in the area of lust and masturbation (123). While it is true that in Christ we are no longer guilty, and that guilt can be an unhealthy obstacle to joy in Christ and his finished work. Sometimes guilt is a good thing if it causes us to see hidden sin in our lives and drives us to repentance and faith. Especially in the arena of sexual purity there are some instances where the guilt is healthy and necessary for a person to begin the process of change. This section would have been served by such a clarification.
Overall, I loved this book. In fact, I'm thinking of using in my class this semester and at some point integrating it into my curriculum as required reading. It is counter-cultural, but if we are going to make any headway in this problem if sexual impurity in our churches we are going to need to do something radical, like go back to the Bible and see what God says. This is what the authors set out to do, and I think they do it very well. If you work with singles of all ages, this book is worth your time.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
When a Man Loves a Woman
We all know a guy like this. He’s outgoing, suave,
sensitive, and flirtatious. Women flock to him, and because of this he always
has a different one on his arm. Some are quick to write him off as a player. Others
simply attribute his antics to a deep love for women. And with so many to
choose from, there are a lot out there for him to love.
Adam Levine, lead singer of the band Maroon 5, seems to think the same thing; owing his rampant promiscuity is to his love for women. In a recent article, Levine attributes his reputation of sleeping around with many women as a representation of his love for them. He is clear to distinguish his actions with other types of men who do the same thing—namely men who he would call misogynistic and only out for themselves. He on the other hand only loves women and can’t seem to get enough of them. And he doesn’t really seem to care.
But is this love? Does he behave this way because of a deep sense of affection and care for the women that he beds? Hardly.
While the culture celebrates men (and women) who view a myriad of sexual exploits as expressions freedom and love, the Bible tells a very different story. As much as we like to think that as a post-sexual revolution society we are more enlightened and uninhibited than our repressed ancestors, human desire and sin ensure that behavior simply is repackaged for the order of the day. In other words, this liberated sexuality is really not a new idea at all.
Solomon knew this well when he instructed his son to “rejoice in the wife of your youth” (Proverbs 5:18). At first glance, this verse implies two things about loving a woman well.
And girls, this is the type of man you should be looking for. Don’t settle for a man who asserts his manhood through sexual experiences and flirtation. That will not be true love in the end. True love shows restraint when necessary, and especially when she is not his wife. Look for a man who will love you enough to say “no” until your wedding day, and then say “yes” only to you for the rest of your earthly lives.
The ambient culture sees no problem with Levine’s definition of loving women. In fact, in many circles it is the norm now. As Christians, our lives should not mirror the cultural wasteland that we live in. A man (or woman) who follows Christ will look very different when put next to the views of men like Levine. Men who follow Christ are called to love like the One who saved them, not like the world they were saved from. Men who follow Christ serve, instead of take. They die to self, instead of live for self. And they love women by protecting them from the predatory men that seek to devour the women God has given them, all in the name of love.
Adam Levine, lead singer of the band Maroon 5, seems to think the same thing; owing his rampant promiscuity is to his love for women. In a recent article, Levine attributes his reputation of sleeping around with many women as a representation of his love for them. He is clear to distinguish his actions with other types of men who do the same thing—namely men who he would call misogynistic and only out for themselves. He on the other hand only loves women and can’t seem to get enough of them. And he doesn’t really seem to care.
But is this love? Does he behave this way because of a deep sense of affection and care for the women that he beds? Hardly.
While the culture celebrates men (and women) who view a myriad of sexual exploits as expressions freedom and love, the Bible tells a very different story. As much as we like to think that as a post-sexual revolution society we are more enlightened and uninhibited than our repressed ancestors, human desire and sin ensure that behavior simply is repackaged for the order of the day. In other words, this liberated sexuality is really not a new idea at all.
Solomon knew this well when he instructed his son to “rejoice in the wife of your youth” (Proverbs 5:18). At first glance, this verse implies two things about loving a woman well.
- There is only one woman
for him to love.
- The love he has for her is to be long-lasting.
Here is the true test of whether a man loves women or not. Does
he love one woman well for a lifetime? It’s easy to have sex with a lot of
women over the course of your life. But try loving a woman who doesn’t always
treat you with the respect you think you deserve. Or try loving a woman who
gets sick and needs care, is weaker than you physically, or gets in your way
when you want to do something. Real love for women takes hard work, not smooth
talk and flattery. Any man can bounce from woman to woman. That’s easy and old
news. The real evidence of love and manhood is if you love and stay until your
(or her) dying breath—not when her face looks a little worn or another woman
comes along.
And girls, this is the type of man you should be looking for. Don’t settle for a man who asserts his manhood through sexual experiences and flirtation. That will not be true love in the end. True love shows restraint when necessary, and especially when she is not his wife. Look for a man who will love you enough to say “no” until your wedding day, and then say “yes” only to you for the rest of your earthly lives.
The ambient culture sees no problem with Levine’s definition of loving women. In fact, in many circles it is the norm now. As Christians, our lives should not mirror the cultural wasteland that we live in. A man (or woman) who follows Christ will look very different when put next to the views of men like Levine. Men who follow Christ are called to love like the One who saved them, not like the world they were saved from. Men who follow Christ serve, instead of take. They die to self, instead of live for self. And they love women by protecting them from the predatory men that seek to devour the women God has given them, all in the name of love.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
What a Girl Wants (and How She Can Get It): Part 1
It’s the stuff little girls dream of. What begins as a
childhood fascination with princesses, dress-up clothes, and mock weddings,
grows into a teenage obsession with wedding magazines, boys, and dreams of
matrimonial bliss. Most girls, pre-pubescent and teenage, think about getting
married. They flock to romantic movies, swoon over the male lead pursuing the
woman perfectly, and then hope and wish that the same thing might happen to
them someday. Regardless of what the feminists say about girl power and all,
most teenage girls (especially Christian ones) still want marriage and family.
But then again, there is also a disconnect somewhere.
Just a quick glance at the statistics regarding teenage sexual activity shows that while girls might want marriage, they aren’t really following the typical path that will get them there—or at least to a happily ever after. Girls might want marriage, but they sure don’t act like it. They hook-up with boys, but then are surprised when they don’t treat them with the respect, honor and pursuit that they see in romantic comedies. And as they get older they grow desensitized, bitter, and cynical to all things male and matrimonial. They start with a fairytale and end with a 30-year-old boy playing video games and drinking beer in their one bedroom apartment. What happened to the house, dual-income, and 2.5 kids they always dreamed about? What happened to the happy ending?
Unfortunately, the joke is on them.
As I’ve taught and discipled girls, gone through my twenties, lived and learned a little, and am now married to a wonderful, godly man I’ve noticed a common pattern with girls these days. They want the happy ending; they just go about it all wrong. They embrace the cultural milieu of hooking-up and no commitment and are surprised when it doesn’t feel as good as was promised. As Christians, we have a distinct and hopeful answer to the girls and women who buy into this thinking. And as much as we would like to think that our abstinence pledges and True Love Waits rallies are setting us apart, they aren’t. In order to embrace a biblical model of womanhood (and manhood) Christian teenagers and young adults will need to be swimming upstream in a muddy, swampy mess of ambient culture. For most of them, they need a complete reorientation of their understanding of what it means to be a woman.
What’s the Church to Do?
All of the writing, speaking, debating, and press regarding biblical womanhood the last decade or so could easily make us all think that the battle has been waged and won. But a quick survey of the modern evangelical landscape shows us that our work is far from over. While there are excellent resources out there, and many places are doing it well, most of our churches are still left lacking. And the local church is where it must be taught. A lot of our teenagers are still dating and pairing off like the world, all the while hoping that they will one day marry like their pastor and his wife. We must have a robust theology of womanhood, coupled with a safe haven for girls to talk, question, and learn about how God has created them to be, all within the context of God's ordained means of spreading his glory in this world--the local church. Everything they are bombarded with on a daily basis is contrary to God’s design. From entertainment to friendship, young girls today need a complete overhaul of teaching on biblical womanhood. Feminism is at the very core of our being, and now that it is a culturally accepted doctrine, it will win if we don’t counter it with the truths of Scripture.
Our churches must be the first place girls can go to learn about God’s design for them. We cannot simply expect that they will learn womanhood by default. They won’t. And this is where the Bible comes into play.
To be continued...
Just a quick glance at the statistics regarding teenage sexual activity shows that while girls might want marriage, they aren’t really following the typical path that will get them there—or at least to a happily ever after. Girls might want marriage, but they sure don’t act like it. They hook-up with boys, but then are surprised when they don’t treat them with the respect, honor and pursuit that they see in romantic comedies. And as they get older they grow desensitized, bitter, and cynical to all things male and matrimonial. They start with a fairytale and end with a 30-year-old boy playing video games and drinking beer in their one bedroom apartment. What happened to the house, dual-income, and 2.5 kids they always dreamed about? What happened to the happy ending?
Unfortunately, the joke is on them.
As I’ve taught and discipled girls, gone through my twenties, lived and learned a little, and am now married to a wonderful, godly man I’ve noticed a common pattern with girls these days. They want the happy ending; they just go about it all wrong. They embrace the cultural milieu of hooking-up and no commitment and are surprised when it doesn’t feel as good as was promised. As Christians, we have a distinct and hopeful answer to the girls and women who buy into this thinking. And as much as we would like to think that our abstinence pledges and True Love Waits rallies are setting us apart, they aren’t. In order to embrace a biblical model of womanhood (and manhood) Christian teenagers and young adults will need to be swimming upstream in a muddy, swampy mess of ambient culture. For most of them, they need a complete reorientation of their understanding of what it means to be a woman.
What’s the Church to Do?
All of the writing, speaking, debating, and press regarding biblical womanhood the last decade or so could easily make us all think that the battle has been waged and won. But a quick survey of the modern evangelical landscape shows us that our work is far from over. While there are excellent resources out there, and many places are doing it well, most of our churches are still left lacking. And the local church is where it must be taught. A lot of our teenagers are still dating and pairing off like the world, all the while hoping that they will one day marry like their pastor and his wife. We must have a robust theology of womanhood, coupled with a safe haven for girls to talk, question, and learn about how God has created them to be, all within the context of God's ordained means of spreading his glory in this world--the local church. Everything they are bombarded with on a daily basis is contrary to God’s design. From entertainment to friendship, young girls today need a complete overhaul of teaching on biblical womanhood. Feminism is at the very core of our being, and now that it is a culturally accepted doctrine, it will win if we don’t counter it with the truths of Scripture.
Our churches must be the first place girls can go to learn about God’s design for them. We cannot simply expect that they will learn womanhood by default. They won’t. And this is where the Bible comes into play.
To be continued...
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Hope for Homosexuals
A few years ago a girl I knew remarked that she felt strange visiting her particular hairdresser because she was a lesbian. Knowing that this woman was attracted to women, not men, made her uncomfortable, and eventually she moved on to someone else. She meant no ill-will towards the hairstylist. She was a solid believer, valued God's word, and prayed fervently for lost people to come to Christ. But when it came to the homosexual hair stylist something just didn't sit right with her. I think her response is quite common for many of us within the conservative Christian community. While we all agree that God doesn't hate homosexuals, when it comes down to actually ministering to them we simply don't know what to do. Our response to those in the gay community tends to be similar to our reponse to the person in the throes of grief--in fear we either don't say anything or say way too much of the wrong thing. We don't intentionally treat homosexual people with contempt, but our fear of the unknown tends to overtake our desire to do good by them. I know I have seen it in my own life way too often.
I had the opportunity this week to listen to the panel discussion from T4G on gay marriage. It was basically a question and answer session with Mark Dever asking questions and Dr. Mohler answering. And true to his form Dr. Mohler was extremely helpful in addressing the reality of homosexuality in our churches and communities, while also providing a course of action for the church.
One of the things Mohler said that really stayed with me is that all of us, post-puberty, are broken in our sexual orientation. We live in a post-Genesis 3 world, and as a result we have all sinned sexually in some way. Our sin just manifests itself in different ways, from the guy who is enslaved to pornography to the girl who likes other girls. Sexual sin is sexual sin, and sin is the great equalizer. We are all equally fallen, but by God's abundant grace we all have a way of escape from the sin that entangles us. Homosexuality is not the worst sin a human being can commit. Rejection of God is (Mark 4:22-30). While Romans 1 reminds us of the heinousness of homosexuality, it also tells us that wrath, envy, slander, gossip, disobedience, impurity, and the like all fall under the condemnation of God. Every one of those sins is stemming from a heart that does not believe that God is good and worthy of our worship. We want to worship the creation, rather than the Creator. That idolatry manifests itself differently in our varying personalities and sin tendencies.
The problem with our arguments against homosexuality is that so often they are framed in the context of human behavior rather than concern for the souls of lost people. We think the behavior is gross and so we treat it as such. But what we have to remember is that the people we speak of are image bearers just like us. They are living, breathing human beings who are enslaved to sin and the worship of the god of this age. In Romans 1 the issue is that we worship the creation, rather than the Creator. This leads to a whole host of sins that condemn us. Yes, homosexual behavior needs to change. But so does slander, gossip, murder, jealousy, and even heterosexual immorality. It is all stemming from worshipping something other than God.
Our response to homosexuality must move away from the ideological and political, and move more towards dealing with the hearts of people. Within all of us is a God-shaped void that in our sinful state we will fill with everything but God, because left to ourselves we hate him. What people need is a bigger view of God and of his great love for us in sending us Jesus, who can take away any sin we struggle with--including homosexuality.
Jesus went to the sexually sinful, broken, despised, and rejected of his day, not because he wanted to endorse their behavior but because he wanted to show them that they were worshipping the wrong thing. But the point is that he went to them, regardless of how gross and strange his culture thought they were. And as Christians we have an answer to the guy or girl struggling with same-sex attraction, his name is Jesus. By God's grace, we must be a place where no person struggles in their sin alone, but finds an answer for their sinfulness and hope for change no matter what sin they struggle with.
For a more thorough assessment of this and for some practical instruction on how the church can help homosexuals, you can listen to Dr. Mohler's interview here.
I had the opportunity this week to listen to the panel discussion from T4G on gay marriage. It was basically a question and answer session with Mark Dever asking questions and Dr. Mohler answering. And true to his form Dr. Mohler was extremely helpful in addressing the reality of homosexuality in our churches and communities, while also providing a course of action for the church.
One of the things Mohler said that really stayed with me is that all of us, post-puberty, are broken in our sexual orientation. We live in a post-Genesis 3 world, and as a result we have all sinned sexually in some way. Our sin just manifests itself in different ways, from the guy who is enslaved to pornography to the girl who likes other girls. Sexual sin is sexual sin, and sin is the great equalizer. We are all equally fallen, but by God's abundant grace we all have a way of escape from the sin that entangles us. Homosexuality is not the worst sin a human being can commit. Rejection of God is (Mark 4:22-30). While Romans 1 reminds us of the heinousness of homosexuality, it also tells us that wrath, envy, slander, gossip, disobedience, impurity, and the like all fall under the condemnation of God. Every one of those sins is stemming from a heart that does not believe that God is good and worthy of our worship. We want to worship the creation, rather than the Creator. That idolatry manifests itself differently in our varying personalities and sin tendencies.
The problem with our arguments against homosexuality is that so often they are framed in the context of human behavior rather than concern for the souls of lost people. We think the behavior is gross and so we treat it as such. But what we have to remember is that the people we speak of are image bearers just like us. They are living, breathing human beings who are enslaved to sin and the worship of the god of this age. In Romans 1 the issue is that we worship the creation, rather than the Creator. This leads to a whole host of sins that condemn us. Yes, homosexual behavior needs to change. But so does slander, gossip, murder, jealousy, and even heterosexual immorality. It is all stemming from worshipping something other than God.
Our response to homosexuality must move away from the ideological and political, and move more towards dealing with the hearts of people. Within all of us is a God-shaped void that in our sinful state we will fill with everything but God, because left to ourselves we hate him. What people need is a bigger view of God and of his great love for us in sending us Jesus, who can take away any sin we struggle with--including homosexuality.
Jesus went to the sexually sinful, broken, despised, and rejected of his day, not because he wanted to endorse their behavior but because he wanted to show them that they were worshipping the wrong thing. But the point is that he went to them, regardless of how gross and strange his culture thought they were. And as Christians we have an answer to the guy or girl struggling with same-sex attraction, his name is Jesus. By God's grace, we must be a place where no person struggles in their sin alone, but finds an answer for their sinfulness and hope for change no matter what sin they struggle with.
For a more thorough assessment of this and for some practical instruction on how the church can help homosexuals, you can listen to Dr. Mohler's interview here.
Friday, April 27, 2012
The Pure See God
“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” –Matthew
5:8
I have read this verse for years and it was only recently that the full weight of it hit me. Lack of purity, in heart and ultimately in deed, can keep us from seeing God. So often when we talk about purity with young people we focus primarily on behavior modification. It is not wrong to tell kids not to have sex and that “true love waits”. In fact, telling them what not to do is a form of instruction and necessary in shepherding and guiding. But it must be more than that. And I think the Bible tells the same story.
In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus is speaking about behavior, but he is also getting at something more integral to what it means to trust in Christ and be a believer. Jesus is speaking about the heart. When he addresses lust later on in Matthew 5 he actually makes the command to not sin sexually much harder, essentially saying to every human being who has ever lived “by your lustful thoughts you all are adulterous, even if only in your mind.” In Jesus’ mind there is no difference between what we desire and what we actually do. It’s the principle he speaks of elsewhere that out of our hearts comes who we really are (Luke 6:45).
So what’s really going on when we talk about purity? Jesus is getting at what we worship. John Calvin said that our hearts are idol factories. Our depravity ensures that we will naturally gravitate towards propping up idols to worship, rather than bowing down at the feet of King Jesus. The reason the impure can’t see God is not because they are having sex outside of marriage, although that is enough to condemn them. They can’t see God because the idol of pleasure is blocking their view of the greatest pleasure they could ever know—fellowship with their Creator. The Bible consistently teaches that those who continue to practice sexual immorality are living as those who do not know God (Ephesians 5:1-11, 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8). This is why messages of behavior modification will never be enough. We must get at the heart of what people worship before we can begin telling them how to live. Otherwise we will be left with empty moralists who no more see God than the girl who had sex with her boyfriend last night. They have to know and believe in the God who made them before they can begin learning how he wants them to live.
The culture would have us believe that pleasure, love, and security awaits you if you just give in to your feelings and follow your heart (i.e. live a sexually promiscuous lifestyle). In fact, even this week there was talk around the web about Tim Tebow’s commitment to remaining pure until marriage. To the outside world, it is laughable. But to us, it is commendable. Why? Because according to the Bible pleasure, love, and security do await us, but not in the way the world prescribes. God’s standard for holiness and purity is designed to protect us, and give us maximum happiness in our obedience to him. It is more about our worship of him alone than our desire for sexual fulfillment. It is in the losing of ourselves and our desires that we actually find ourselves.
Just look around at Hollywood actors. A quick survey of their marriages and relationships reveals that even though they often portray sexual activity outside of marriage as the norm and blissfully risk-free, their personal lives tell a very different story. While they promise lasting happiness in their films, the proof is in the true Hollywood stories of their actual lives.
God knew exactly what he was doing when he gave Eve to Adam and blessed the marriage covenant (Genesis 1-2). God knew what we has doing when he told the Israelites, and now those who are in Christ, to be holy because he was holy (Leviticus 11:44). God knew what he was doing when he said that there must be not even a hint of sexual immorality named among us (Ephesians 5:3). And he knew what he was doing when he declared that only the pure in heart will see him. He made us for himself and for his glory. When we live outside of his commands and boundaries we make a mockery of his good design and we lose the fellowship we were made for. We can try all day long to fill the God-shaped void with pithy idols like sex, boys, pleasure, and false security but they will never be enough. That’s why we always need more but feel so lousy afterwards. With God, we never can get enough but we always feel satisfied.
Don’t believe the lie that sexual activity outside of marriage is really no big deal. If you were honest with yourself, you would probably say that you don’t really believe that anyway. Every act of impurity is leading you further away from the God who made you and loves you. But it doesn’t have to be that way. The One who spoke the words of Matthew 5:8 made a way for you to be pure. He died for your idolatrous worship of sex and pleasure. He died to make you pure and blameless in the Father’s sight. He died so that you would no longer be a slave to unrighteousness, but would bear his righteousness. And by his work, you can be cleansed from your impurity and see the perfect and holy God in all his glory. Only then can you truly be blessed.
I have read this verse for years and it was only recently that the full weight of it hit me. Lack of purity, in heart and ultimately in deed, can keep us from seeing God. So often when we talk about purity with young people we focus primarily on behavior modification. It is not wrong to tell kids not to have sex and that “true love waits”. In fact, telling them what not to do is a form of instruction and necessary in shepherding and guiding. But it must be more than that. And I think the Bible tells the same story.
In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus is speaking about behavior, but he is also getting at something more integral to what it means to trust in Christ and be a believer. Jesus is speaking about the heart. When he addresses lust later on in Matthew 5 he actually makes the command to not sin sexually much harder, essentially saying to every human being who has ever lived “by your lustful thoughts you all are adulterous, even if only in your mind.” In Jesus’ mind there is no difference between what we desire and what we actually do. It’s the principle he speaks of elsewhere that out of our hearts comes who we really are (Luke 6:45).
So what’s really going on when we talk about purity? Jesus is getting at what we worship. John Calvin said that our hearts are idol factories. Our depravity ensures that we will naturally gravitate towards propping up idols to worship, rather than bowing down at the feet of King Jesus. The reason the impure can’t see God is not because they are having sex outside of marriage, although that is enough to condemn them. They can’t see God because the idol of pleasure is blocking their view of the greatest pleasure they could ever know—fellowship with their Creator. The Bible consistently teaches that those who continue to practice sexual immorality are living as those who do not know God (Ephesians 5:1-11, 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8). This is why messages of behavior modification will never be enough. We must get at the heart of what people worship before we can begin telling them how to live. Otherwise we will be left with empty moralists who no more see God than the girl who had sex with her boyfriend last night. They have to know and believe in the God who made them before they can begin learning how he wants them to live.
The culture would have us believe that pleasure, love, and security awaits you if you just give in to your feelings and follow your heart (i.e. live a sexually promiscuous lifestyle). In fact, even this week there was talk around the web about Tim Tebow’s commitment to remaining pure until marriage. To the outside world, it is laughable. But to us, it is commendable. Why? Because according to the Bible pleasure, love, and security do await us, but not in the way the world prescribes. God’s standard for holiness and purity is designed to protect us, and give us maximum happiness in our obedience to him. It is more about our worship of him alone than our desire for sexual fulfillment. It is in the losing of ourselves and our desires that we actually find ourselves.
Just look around at Hollywood actors. A quick survey of their marriages and relationships reveals that even though they often portray sexual activity outside of marriage as the norm and blissfully risk-free, their personal lives tell a very different story. While they promise lasting happiness in their films, the proof is in the true Hollywood stories of their actual lives.
God knew exactly what he was doing when he gave Eve to Adam and blessed the marriage covenant (Genesis 1-2). God knew what we has doing when he told the Israelites, and now those who are in Christ, to be holy because he was holy (Leviticus 11:44). God knew what he was doing when he said that there must be not even a hint of sexual immorality named among us (Ephesians 5:3). And he knew what he was doing when he declared that only the pure in heart will see him. He made us for himself and for his glory. When we live outside of his commands and boundaries we make a mockery of his good design and we lose the fellowship we were made for. We can try all day long to fill the God-shaped void with pithy idols like sex, boys, pleasure, and false security but they will never be enough. That’s why we always need more but feel so lousy afterwards. With God, we never can get enough but we always feel satisfied.
Don’t believe the lie that sexual activity outside of marriage is really no big deal. If you were honest with yourself, you would probably say that you don’t really believe that anyway. Every act of impurity is leading you further away from the God who made you and loves you. But it doesn’t have to be that way. The One who spoke the words of Matthew 5:8 made a way for you to be pure. He died for your idolatrous worship of sex and pleasure. He died to make you pure and blameless in the Father’s sight. He died so that you would no longer be a slave to unrighteousness, but would bear his righteousness. And by his work, you can be cleansed from your impurity and see the perfect and holy God in all his glory. Only then can you truly be blessed.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Treat Her Like Your Sister
“Treat older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity.”—1 Timothy 5:2
This verse has been sort of a theme in my class this semester. Whatever it might pertain to, whether it’s impurity, disrespect, flirtation, or leading them on, the question always is there: would you do that to your sister? So because this is a verse written to a man, and a pastor at that, you might be wondering how this has any bearing on your own life, as a woman (I’m assuming the bulk of my readership is female). But I assure you, it does. As young women, who are either dating, thinking about dating, or wanting to date you can do a lot to encourage the men in your life to treat you with respect and purity.
Paul sets the standards really high, doesn’t he? If he were to peek into your relationships with boyfriends, friends, or even random guys you meet at a party, would he find them treating you as sisters? Better yet, would he find you encouraging them to treat you as sisters?
The reality is that as women we have tremendous power in encouraging the guys in our lives to act like men. By your actions you can either encourage the guys in your life to sin sexually or you can encourage them to work hard at being men (i.e treating you with purity). The fact is that so often we make it too easy for them. We give into their sexual pursuit because we think it will make them love us more and then we are disappointed when it has the exact opposite effect. We flirt with them, essentially begging them for attention. We let them have too much of our heart, all the while hoping that in the end they might see the light and ask us out. How is that working for you?
All of us want to be pursued and treated with respect, right? I have never met a girl or woman who says “I want to be treated like an object. I want to be treated like I don’t matter.” Every girl wants to be treated with respect by the guy she is with. Every girl wants to be loved, cherished, honored, pursued, and valued, right? It doesn’t happen in the context of a sexual relationship outside of marriage. Guys learn to treat girls with honor by the respect that is demanded from them. When you expect a guy to only treat you like he would his sister, you are encouraging, and even demanding, that he respect you and your body.
So if you are single woman reading this today, apply the words of Paul to your own life. Protect the men around you by giving them no other choice but to treat you like a sister. You will be happier. Your life will be easier. And in the end, the guys who don’t want to follow the Bible will take their ball and go home.
God knew what he was doing when he gave us the commands of Scripture. And it’s worth the wait and the discipline to abide by his standards.
This verse has been sort of a theme in my class this semester. Whatever it might pertain to, whether it’s impurity, disrespect, flirtation, or leading them on, the question always is there: would you do that to your sister? So because this is a verse written to a man, and a pastor at that, you might be wondering how this has any bearing on your own life, as a woman (I’m assuming the bulk of my readership is female). But I assure you, it does. As young women, who are either dating, thinking about dating, or wanting to date you can do a lot to encourage the men in your life to treat you with respect and purity.
Paul sets the standards really high, doesn’t he? If he were to peek into your relationships with boyfriends, friends, or even random guys you meet at a party, would he find them treating you as sisters? Better yet, would he find you encouraging them to treat you as sisters?
The reality is that as women we have tremendous power in encouraging the guys in our lives to act like men. By your actions you can either encourage the guys in your life to sin sexually or you can encourage them to work hard at being men (i.e treating you with purity). The fact is that so often we make it too easy for them. We give into their sexual pursuit because we think it will make them love us more and then we are disappointed when it has the exact opposite effect. We flirt with them, essentially begging them for attention. We let them have too much of our heart, all the while hoping that in the end they might see the light and ask us out. How is that working for you?
All of us want to be pursued and treated with respect, right? I have never met a girl or woman who says “I want to be treated like an object. I want to be treated like I don’t matter.” Every girl wants to be treated with respect by the guy she is with. Every girl wants to be loved, cherished, honored, pursued, and valued, right? It doesn’t happen in the context of a sexual relationship outside of marriage. Guys learn to treat girls with honor by the respect that is demanded from them. When you expect a guy to only treat you like he would his sister, you are encouraging, and even demanding, that he respect you and your body.
So if you are single woman reading this today, apply the words of Paul to your own life. Protect the men around you by giving them no other choice but to treat you like a sister. You will be happier. Your life will be easier. And in the end, the guys who don’t want to follow the Bible will take their ball and go home.
God knew what he was doing when he gave us the commands of Scripture. And it’s worth the wait and the discipline to abide by his standards.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
College Debt and the Sugar Daddy
Yesterday, the Christianity blog for women (Her.meneutics) published a blog post I wrote on the troubling trend of young women seeking older, wealthy men to pay their college debt. In the last week I have seen at least three news venues (two from The Today Show) talk about the "sugar daddy/sugar baby" arrangement. There are all sorts of opinions on whether this is an acceptable way to pay of debt. Some call it prostitution. Some say that it's just women using their sexual power for their advantage. And in a hyper-sexualized world, why wouldn't they be allowed to do something like this? While some Christian women might look at this story and think "that would never be me," what I wanted to highlight in the post was that we are all susceptible to the temptation to compromise something (whether emotionally or physically) in order to get what we think we need most. For these women it's financial security. For some women it might be emotional or marital security.
"What are you willing to sell for relational or economic needs? It’s a question I asked myself over and over again in my single days. Sometimes the answer surprised me most when I was tempted to give a little in order to get what I wanted. This sort of arrangement is so far from the heart of God, who offers us abundant grace freely despite the fact that we give him nothing in return. This payment — this debt removal — is what all of us, from the sugar baby in Manhattan to the church single’s-group regular in the Midwest, need more than any seemingly overwhelming financial or emotional crisis."
Read the rest of the post here.
"What are you willing to sell for relational or economic needs? It’s a question I asked myself over and over again in my single days. Sometimes the answer surprised me most when I was tempted to give a little in order to get what I wanted. This sort of arrangement is so far from the heart of God, who offers us abundant grace freely despite the fact that we give him nothing in return. This payment — this debt removal — is what all of us, from the sugar baby in Manhattan to the church single’s-group regular in the Midwest, need more than any seemingly overwhelming financial or emotional crisis."
Read the rest of the post here.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Purity in an Impure World: Hope for Change
There are some who hear and read things on purity and feel overwhelming shame and remorse. This post is for you. There are some who hear and read things on purity and think it doesn't apply to them. This post is for you, too. There are some who read and hear things on purity and think that it is pointless. This post is for you, as well.
Some think that their life is fine the way it is. They don’t see a problem with their impurity. But is it really satisfying you? If you were honest with yourself would you be able to say that it is enough? You were designed to receive maximum fulfillment in Jesus only, and the very fact that you keep going back to your sin even though you feel unsatisfied in the morning is because you are trying to make those acts mean something they were never designed to mean. There is a void in your soul that only Jesus can fill. No person can fill that for you. Jesus is so much better than any temporary pleasure that sex can bring.
Some think that their life is fine the way it is because they don’t ever do anything that bad. But have you ever lusted? Have you ever watched a scene in a movie that was sexual? Have you ever lusted and wished you could act out on it? Maybe you have and maybe you haven’t. Praise God for that. The only reason you are still standing pure to this day is by the sheer grace and mercy of Jesus Christ. Praise him for that. Thank him for that. And ask him to continue giving you grace.
Some, on the other hand, feel so broken over their sin. They feel like they have failed miserably. They feel like there is no hope for a sinner like them. I encourage you, dear sister, that there is a fountain of grace for you at the Cross of Jesus Christ. The Bible says that he is living water. He is life. He is salvation for those who turn from their sin and trust in his death and resurrection alone. Do not despair. There is no sin so great that he is not sufficient to conquer with his finished work.
The point of purity is not so you can say you made it to marriage without having sex. It’s about God and obedience to him because you love him. All our attempts at purity without the shed blood of Jesus on our behalf are worthless. We need him in our fight to stay pure. I am married and I still need him daily to fight my sinful tendency towards impurity. God does not care how far we go, really. He also doesn’t care if you signed a purity card or wear a purity ring. He cares about your heart. He cares about your soul. He cares about what you worship. He wants you to worship him only—not sex, not boys, not popularity, not school, not beauty, not fun, not friends, not even church youth group. Purity is important because the Creator of the universe, and you, is pure. Purity is important because his Son, Jesus Christ, was the purest man who ever lived. And he died to make us pure. He died to cleanse us from our impurity. And the sad reality is, even if you have never engaged in any sexual immorality—you are still an impure person in need of Christ’s purity. We all are. But the great hope is that we can have Jesus. Do not look to your own attempts at purity. They will fail you every time. But Jesus, he is the hope for impure people like you and me.
Read Parts One, Two, and Three
Some think that their life is fine the way it is. They don’t see a problem with their impurity. But is it really satisfying you? If you were honest with yourself would you be able to say that it is enough? You were designed to receive maximum fulfillment in Jesus only, and the very fact that you keep going back to your sin even though you feel unsatisfied in the morning is because you are trying to make those acts mean something they were never designed to mean. There is a void in your soul that only Jesus can fill. No person can fill that for you. Jesus is so much better than any temporary pleasure that sex can bring.
Some think that their life is fine the way it is because they don’t ever do anything that bad. But have you ever lusted? Have you ever watched a scene in a movie that was sexual? Have you ever lusted and wished you could act out on it? Maybe you have and maybe you haven’t. Praise God for that. The only reason you are still standing pure to this day is by the sheer grace and mercy of Jesus Christ. Praise him for that. Thank him for that. And ask him to continue giving you grace.
Some, on the other hand, feel so broken over their sin. They feel like they have failed miserably. They feel like there is no hope for a sinner like them. I encourage you, dear sister, that there is a fountain of grace for you at the Cross of Jesus Christ. The Bible says that he is living water. He is life. He is salvation for those who turn from their sin and trust in his death and resurrection alone. Do not despair. There is no sin so great that he is not sufficient to conquer with his finished work.
The point of purity is not so you can say you made it to marriage without having sex. It’s about God and obedience to him because you love him. All our attempts at purity without the shed blood of Jesus on our behalf are worthless. We need him in our fight to stay pure. I am married and I still need him daily to fight my sinful tendency towards impurity. God does not care how far we go, really. He also doesn’t care if you signed a purity card or wear a purity ring. He cares about your heart. He cares about your soul. He cares about what you worship. He wants you to worship him only—not sex, not boys, not popularity, not school, not beauty, not fun, not friends, not even church youth group. Purity is important because the Creator of the universe, and you, is pure. Purity is important because his Son, Jesus Christ, was the purest man who ever lived. And he died to make us pure. He died to cleanse us from our impurity. And the sad reality is, even if you have never engaged in any sexual immorality—you are still an impure person in need of Christ’s purity. We all are. But the great hope is that we can have Jesus. Do not look to your own attempts at purity. They will fail you every time. But Jesus, he is the hope for impure people like you and me.
Read Parts One, Two, and Three
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Purity in an Impure World: Part 3
Proverbs repeatedly talks about Lady Wisdom and encourages the believer in Jesus to follow her example. The Bible tells us that a woman of wisdom.
- The woman of wisdom’s beauty is to be inward, not outward. Her dress should not be her primary focus. 1 Peter 3:3-4 tells us that a woman's adornment should not be extravagant. Clothing is important. Appearance matters. We should love to look attractive. But it should not characterize us. We should not dress to attract and make ourselves the primary attraction. Christian women should desire to make Christ the main attraction. When we dress immodestly we take away from Christ’s glory. By being lusted after we are getting glory and attention for ourselves, not the One who made us. I like shopping. And I really like doing my hair and makeup in the morning. I would never dream of going to work or church without makeup on. And I really like clothes. I like to look cute. Those things are not wrong in themselves. But when I leave my house in the morning if my heart is saying “I hope everyone loves my outfit." Or "I hope that person notices me,” then I have misplaced desires. I want the wrong thing. My body is not the object of everyone in Louisville’s affections—and neither is yours. One really practical way that we can love our brothers in Christ (and even loved unsaved boys) is be mindful of what we wear. Men are visually stimulated. They are designed to want to look at a woman’s body. And we are designed to want them to. But only in marriage. Our bodies are only for one man.
- The woman of wisdom makes herself available to one man. God never intended for you to be a serial dater. The Bible does not give us a framework for the dating culture that we have today. We were made to enjoy intimacy, both emotional and physical, with one man—our husband. In Genesis 2 we see that Eve was made for Adam. She was made to complete him. Flirting and tempting guys with your affections and your body is only opening the doors for your availability for them.
- The woman of wisdom is gentle and submissive. Ephesians 5 and 1 Peter 3, while talking about married woman, tell us that a godly woman is gentle and submissive. This does not mean that we do not speak. A gentle and quiet spirit is not a character trait. It is a heart condition. All of us can probably point out girls we know who are “in your face, you can’t tell me what to do” types. We all know women who are manipulative and use people to get their own way. This is not what God says women who are after his heart are to be like. For some of you it is very easy to use your beauty, your sexuality, your body, and even your brains to get what you want. You use your tongue to lure men to desire you. But the godly woman does not see the men around her as objects to control. Rather she sees them as brothers in Christ. She does not use her body to manipulate. Part of being gentle and submissive means watching our tongues. Do not get caught up in the sexual conversations that permeate your school or work environment. If we love Christ, we will not love to talk about those things. Ephesians 5:4 says that there should be no “crude joking,” and he links that with sexual immorality in the previous and following verses. Our speech should be distinctly different.
- The woman of wisdom is honest. The godly woman also knows that any sexual activity with a guy before marriage would be committing adultery against her future husband. Jesus says in Matthew 5:28 that if you have even looked at a woman lustfully you have committed adultery. If you cause a man to lust after you, whether by your physical actions with him or physical appearance you have caused him to commit adultery. And if you look lustfully on a man, or even a woman, you have committed the same sin. The godly woman knows that God’s word is true and that marriage to one man is the only honest way to express sexuality.
- The woman of wisdom is life-giving. In Genesis 3:20, Adam names his wife Eve as the “mother of all living.” Women and girls are given the task of being life-givers. We are to bear and nurture life in all settings, no matter our age. The forbidden woman’s life leads to death for all who come in contact with her. But the godly woman labors hard to cultivate life in the people around her. Do not be a source of death for the brothers in your life. Be a source of life. Protect their hearts and their eyes by choosing to dress modestly and behave modestly. Protect their future marriages by refraining from using your body and your mind as a tool for your own gain. Encourage them in their walk with the Lord and their fight against lust by your appearance, your actions, and your relationship with them. God has given you a tremendous tool to use for his glory.
Final post to be continued...
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Purity in an Impure World: Part 2
In light of the fact that we are to be holy because God is holy and in light of the fact that sex is a good thing, how are you supposed to live? In Proverbs 5 we see King Solomon pleading with his son to listen to his words. He has lived life longer. He has experienced the effects of sin. He knows what he is talking about. He wants so badly for his son to understand the death that comes from sexual impurity. And he has wisdom for us today in how to live as pure women.
Proverbs 5-7 is a plea to flee sexual immorality. Solomon is pleading with his son to run from the forbidden woman. We are told in Proverbs 5:1-14 that this woman’s life leads to death and destruction for all who come in contact with her.
But how does she do it?
She is a woman who is set on leading men into adultery. She uses her sexuality to lure men away from their wives and their purity. The remaining posts will contrast the forbidden woman of Proverbs 7 with the godly woman that God calls us to be. Even though Solomon is talking to his son in Proverbs 7, there is a lot to be learned from his teaching here. Today we will look at the 5 characteristics of the forbidden woman:
- Notice how she is dressed—like a prostitute (vs. 10). Now it doesn’t say that she is a prostitute. It is her clothing that is saying she is available to this man. She is dressing in a way that causes the men to notice her and want her sexually. We live in a culture where it is popular to dress like a prostitute, right? The Bible says that the woman who dresses in this way is living like the forbidden woman. But, modesty is not simply covering up your body. It is about a desire for attention. This forbidden woman dresses immodestly because she knows that men will notice her and be drawn to her. As women we are tempted by the lust to be lusted after. We want men to desire us and want us. But outside of marriage, any man desiring us and our bodies is sinful.
- Notice how she makes herself available to everyone. In verses 11 and 12 it says that she is everywhere. She does not stay at home. She goes to the streets, the market, and anywhere that men will be. She is loud and makes herself known. Are you this type of woman? Do you make yourself available to every boy in your school? Are you cautious with your interactions with boys or do you pursue them? Does everyone know who you like? Do you call, text, and flirt with the boys in your school and youth group?
- Notice how she is forceful and manipulative. In verses 13-18 and verse 21 we see that not only does she make herself available, she uses her immodesty and availability to lure men to her. She is only thinking about her own pleasure and her own gain.
- Notice that she is a cheater and a deceiver. In verses 19-20 we see that she is married and she is using her husband’s time away as an opportunity to commit adultery. No matter what your circumstance right now, if you are impure with a man who is not your husband—even if it is your boyfriend and you say you love him—you are living like the forbidden woman. The reality is that if he is not your husband right now, he very well could be someone else’s husband someday—and you are someone else’s wife. Every sexual act you commit before marriage is adultery against your future spouse.
- Notice that her actions lead to death. In verses 22-23 we see that her actions lead this man into death. It costs him his life, and it costs her life as well. It is not what God intended. It is outside of his bounds for sexuality.
And so we see in the rest of the chapter that Solomon is pleading with his son to listen to him and to not turn aside from his teaching. Solomon is begging his son to not follow the forbidden woman. If we are in Christ, we should not desire to be like the forbidden woman—even if all we see around us is women who live this way. Thankfully, God is kind to tell us how to live pure lives as women. To be continued...
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Purity in an Impure World: Part 1
In November, I spoke to a group of youth girls on the topic of purity. I have been meaning to break the talk up into posts for a while now, but just now got around to it. It will probably be spread out over a few days as I have time to edit it down. I hope it is helpful.
...............................................................................
Any understanding of purity must first begin with a right understanding of God. God created us and God gives us guidelines for how to live. God tells us in Leviticus 19:2 to “be holy because I am holy.” Our rationale for holiness as Christians is because God is holy. God is pure, holy, and good. If we are in Christ, and children of God, we should want nothing less than what he himself already is.
The problem is that so many of us want to know how far we can go. We want to know how much is too much. But God never takes us there. He gives us one simple command, I am holy and if you are my people you are to be holy like me. But what is the problem with that command? So many of us try to be holy on our own, and we try to fit into God’s standards for morality only to be faced with the fact that those standards crush us every time. We can’t do the very thing he commands us to do. To understand what it means to be pure and holy, we must understand God. And to understand God we need Jesus to cleanse us from our sin.
Purity is not a list of rules to be followed. It is not a ring to be worn or a card to be signed. It is a lifestyle. A lifestyle of a person who has been bought with Christ’s blood and loves God the Father. God is not pleased with a “cleaned up act.” And Bible tells us that all of our acts are filthy rags to God because we have been stained by sin.
In order to understand purity we have to understand how God created us. We are all tempted to impurity because God created us as sexual beings. Sex was his idea. In Genesis 2:18-24 we see that God created Eve for Adam and they were one flesh. It was not good for Adam to be alone, the text tells us. We know from these verses that the woman was made for the man. God created them distinctly different and created them for each other. But unfortunately sin has marred what God created to be good. It has been distorted. Now we see all forms of perversions of what God designed sex to be.
God designed us to desire to be intimate with a man. Part of being human is having sexual desires. We do not check them at the door when we become Christians. But, God has given us parameters for his good gift of sex. This gift is only to be experienced within the bounds of a marriage between one man and one woman. Anything outside of these boundaries is outside of God’s design. If God is calling you to be married some day, then any sexual experience with someone else before your wedding day is outside of God’s design as well. God wants you to be holy, because he is holy. He loves you and wants what is best for you.
In Song of Solomon, the married woman urges the single women around her to not arouse her desires until it is time. Throughout the entire book she is pleading with the young maidens to abstain from awakening desires that are not ready to be awakened. It is not simply about having “sex.” It is about giving yourself over to the desires that are only intended for your future husband. There is timing for our gifts. Just because God gave the desire to us does not mean we get to enjoy the gift right now. The entire Christian life is about waiting and patience. We are not free to do as we please.
To be continued...
...............................................................................
Any understanding of purity must first begin with a right understanding of God. God created us and God gives us guidelines for how to live. God tells us in Leviticus 19:2 to “be holy because I am holy.” Our rationale for holiness as Christians is because God is holy. God is pure, holy, and good. If we are in Christ, and children of God, we should want nothing less than what he himself already is.
The problem is that so many of us want to know how far we can go. We want to know how much is too much. But God never takes us there. He gives us one simple command, I am holy and if you are my people you are to be holy like me. But what is the problem with that command? So many of us try to be holy on our own, and we try to fit into God’s standards for morality only to be faced with the fact that those standards crush us every time. We can’t do the very thing he commands us to do. To understand what it means to be pure and holy, we must understand God. And to understand God we need Jesus to cleanse us from our sin.
Purity is not a list of rules to be followed. It is not a ring to be worn or a card to be signed. It is a lifestyle. A lifestyle of a person who has been bought with Christ’s blood and loves God the Father. God is not pleased with a “cleaned up act.” And Bible tells us that all of our acts are filthy rags to God because we have been stained by sin.
In order to understand purity we have to understand how God created us. We are all tempted to impurity because God created us as sexual beings. Sex was his idea. In Genesis 2:18-24 we see that God created Eve for Adam and they were one flesh. It was not good for Adam to be alone, the text tells us. We know from these verses that the woman was made for the man. God created them distinctly different and created them for each other. But unfortunately sin has marred what God created to be good. It has been distorted. Now we see all forms of perversions of what God designed sex to be.
God designed us to desire to be intimate with a man. Part of being human is having sexual desires. We do not check them at the door when we become Christians. But, God has given us parameters for his good gift of sex. This gift is only to be experienced within the bounds of a marriage between one man and one woman. Anything outside of these boundaries is outside of God’s design. If God is calling you to be married some day, then any sexual experience with someone else before your wedding day is outside of God’s design as well. God wants you to be holy, because he is holy. He loves you and wants what is best for you.
In Song of Solomon, the married woman urges the single women around her to not arouse her desires until it is time. Throughout the entire book she is pleading with the young maidens to abstain from awakening desires that are not ready to be awakened. It is not simply about having “sex.” It is about giving yourself over to the desires that are only intended for your future husband. There is timing for our gifts. Just because God gave the desire to us does not mean we get to enjoy the gift right now. The entire Christian life is about waiting and patience. We are not free to do as we please.
To be continued...
Monday, July 20, 2009
Be Careful Little Eyes What You See
“Be careful little eyes what you see. Be careful little eyes what you see. For the Father up above is looking down in love, so be careful little eyes what you see.”
Many of us remember singing this song in Sunday school growing up. It has a catchy beat, catchy words and enough truth in it to make a little kid understand that God cares about what he or she sees. But has this understanding carried us into adulthood? We hear a lot about men guarding their eyes from impurity, but should women exercise the same vigilance with what images they see?
In talking about movies they watched, I have heard women say “we probably couldn’t watch it if guys were around. But it’s fine if it’s just girls.” Usually this is in reference to less than appropriately dressed women. But does the Bible make distinctions regarding the images that we, as women, allow into our minds?
Ephesians 5:3 says: “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people.”
Guarding the eyes is not only a male problem relegated to accountability groups. It applies to women as well. What we fill our minds with matters, even if it is “just women.” God wants our minds to be free from immorality because what the culture is telling us about modesty and sexuality is never what he designed it to be. When we fill our minds with images that are contrary to God’s design we are opening the door to the sin that is already in our hearts. There are three temptations that I see rise up in my heart, and in the hearts of women I have been around, when inundated with worldly images.
- The temptation toward comparison. When we consciously or subconsciously allow images of immodesty into our minds we slowly begin to see that as the model. But it isn’t. And this can lead us to compare ourselves to the images we are seeing. Slowly we become discontent with how God made us and begin to wish that we looked differently.
- The temptation toward a false understanding of beauty. With this desire to compare comes a wrong understanding of beauty. When we compare we are saying that what we desire is the standard. God sets the standard for beauty, and the world’s understanding of beauty is very far from his. Immodesty and fakeness are not true beauty. Rather, godliness, modesty, and a quiet spirit is what God deems beautiful (1 Peter 3:3-4).
- The temptation toward lust. Like guarding our eyes, we often see lust as a male problem. That is far from the truth. While often in different ways, women struggle with lust just as much as men do. We see women getting attention from ungodly men when they look a certain way and we lust for that attention. We see an inappropriate scene in a commercial or movie and we lust for sexual fulfillment outside of a marriage covenant.
Images and scenes draw us in and promise the world. We lust for those promises, but will slowly find out that they are lies. Media is a good thing. But we must be discerning with what we watch. We cannot blindly watch the popular television shows and movies and expect nothing to happen to our consciences. While it may seem like we are fine, slowly our souls are being hardened until all that is left are calluses that numb us to the pain of sin. Images matter for women. Paul did not have gender distinctions when he said that we are to have “not even a hint” of sexual immorality among us. Temptations are strong. Sin is powerful. But Jesus is greater. That old children’s song is good, but not good enough. Yes, we are careful what we see because God is looking down on us. But we are also careful what see because Jesus bought us. Our eyes have been awakened to the truth that Jesus is better than those things that seem so harmless.
So be careful little eyes what you see. Be careful little eyes what you see. For the Savior up above has bought your soul in love, so be careful little eyes what you see.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Sexting and the Teenage Girl, Part 2
We cannot bury our heads in the sand and pretend like these things are not a reality for many of the kids in our churches. Whether they are exposed to it regularly, tempted by it, or actively engaging in it, sexual immorality is not foreign to many teenagers. And in today’s culture it is even more prominent, and in some cases, celebrated. Ministering to young women will require an understanding of what they are up against on a daily basis, and will also require the biblical tools to fight sin. We must partner with them in the fight against sin, and the quest towards biblical womanhood. It is crucial that we help the young women in our congregations combat the lie that their bodies are their own, and their own to flaunt for anyone who would have them. God does not say this. Their bodies are to be a temple of the Holy Spirit, not the object of a hormonal boy’s gawks. Partnering with parents will be key as we seek to protect and lead the next generation of women to live in purity and holiness.
Mothers have a primary responsibility to shepherd their daughters in the ways of the Lord. Often this will mean protecting them at all costs from their own sinfulness, and the sin around them. No teenage daughter should have uncontrolled access to social networking, technology, or media. Allowing them this freedom will only open a door to an independence that they are often not ready for. If your daughter sends multiple text messages a day and you have no idea who the recipients are, then I encourage you to ask her who she is texting and ask her to show you the messages. Parents have an obligation to protect their daughters from predatory men, and this means boys who will use them for their sexuality. Teach your daughters what purity is at a very young age, and raise her to view her body as reserved only for her husband.
Growing up in today’s culture is not easy. Billboards and store displays scream that if I do not take it all off, I am not beautiful, or desirable. This is a lie. Beauty and desirability are not defined by how much we take off. Rather, in God’s eyes, purity until marriage is of the most value. Dear younger sister in the Lord, do not believe the lies around you that beckon you to give in. Believe the Bible, and believe your parents and your pastors, whom God has given you to protect you physically and spiritually.
We live in a fallen world. Unfortunately these horrible things are results of living in this Genesis 3 world. Some would argue that these acts of immorality are perpetuated by social media. And I don’t necessarily think that is true. I think social media serves a purpose but, like all good things, can be used for sinful purposes as well. The rise of sexting and other forms of pornographic leanings among teenagers is a call to be especially vigilant. It means we need to work desperately hard to protect our girls not only from the people around them, but from their own sinful hearts as well. We cannot pretend like it isn’t happening. But we can show them that Jesus is better than any temporary pleasure an explicit message can bring.
Mothers have a primary responsibility to shepherd their daughters in the ways of the Lord. Often this will mean protecting them at all costs from their own sinfulness, and the sin around them. No teenage daughter should have uncontrolled access to social networking, technology, or media. Allowing them this freedom will only open a door to an independence that they are often not ready for. If your daughter sends multiple text messages a day and you have no idea who the recipients are, then I encourage you to ask her who she is texting and ask her to show you the messages. Parents have an obligation to protect their daughters from predatory men, and this means boys who will use them for their sexuality. Teach your daughters what purity is at a very young age, and raise her to view her body as reserved only for her husband.
Growing up in today’s culture is not easy. Billboards and store displays scream that if I do not take it all off, I am not beautiful, or desirable. This is a lie. Beauty and desirability are not defined by how much we take off. Rather, in God’s eyes, purity until marriage is of the most value. Dear younger sister in the Lord, do not believe the lies around you that beckon you to give in. Believe the Bible, and believe your parents and your pastors, whom God has given you to protect you physically and spiritually.
We live in a fallen world. Unfortunately these horrible things are results of living in this Genesis 3 world. Some would argue that these acts of immorality are perpetuated by social media. And I don’t necessarily think that is true. I think social media serves a purpose but, like all good things, can be used for sinful purposes as well. The rise of sexting and other forms of pornographic leanings among teenagers is a call to be especially vigilant. It means we need to work desperately hard to protect our girls not only from the people around them, but from their own sinful hearts as well. We cannot pretend like it isn’t happening. But we can show them that Jesus is better than any temporary pleasure an explicit message can bring.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Sexting and the Teenage Girl, Part 1
In the chapter “Raunch Culture Rip-Off,” written in Radical Womanhood: Feminine Faith in a Feminist World, Carolyn McCulley assesses the devastating effects of feminism, and particularly third-wave feminism, on this generation of young women. Raised in a culture that preaches female empowerment, these young women now see their bodies as tools and assets to be used in their quest for power. But they don’t necessarily see it that way all of time. Mostly, young girls who are flaunting themselves are doing so because they can and want to. Pornography, which was once a tenet of the feminists (and Christians) fight, now is not simply an exploitation of women at the hands of men. Girls are proud producers of it too.
Her book crossed my mind again this week as I read a sobering article in USA Today about “sexting” among teenagers. “Sexting” is the act of sending sexually explicit pictures through text messaging. While this article is not the first I have read regarding this recent phenomenon, it reminded me of the need to think biblically about what this, and other forms of social media, means for our teenagers. Sadly, this article probably won’t be the last I read on the subject either.
According to the article:
A new survey on kids in cyberspace finds that one in five teens have "sexted" — sent or received sexually suggestive, nude or nearly nude photos through cellphone text messages or e-mail.
Most teens who sexted sent the photos to girlfriends or boyfriends, but 11% sent them to strangers, according to the study made public today by the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children and Cox Communications. Of teens who sext, 80% are under 18, the survey found.
Initially, when I first began hearing about sexting, my first reaction was “that is terrible, but I can’t imagine that any of the youth in our youth group would be impacted by this.” Unfortunately, the sheer fact that many of them are either in public or private schools exposes them to the myriad of sexual experimentation that permeates so much of young adults’ lives.
As women how do we minister to girls who are exposed to, and tempted by, the lie of third-wave feminism? And as mothers, how do you protect your daughter from her own inclination towards sin, and from the evil that is seeking to lure her in? And as teenage girls, how do you learn to be “innocent in evil,” even when everyone around you is running straight towards sexual sin? And I will answer these questions tomorrow. So stay tuned!
Her book crossed my mind again this week as I read a sobering article in USA Today about “sexting” among teenagers. “Sexting” is the act of sending sexually explicit pictures through text messaging. While this article is not the first I have read regarding this recent phenomenon, it reminded me of the need to think biblically about what this, and other forms of social media, means for our teenagers. Sadly, this article probably won’t be the last I read on the subject either.
According to the article:
A new survey on kids in cyberspace finds that one in five teens have "sexted" — sent or received sexually suggestive, nude or nearly nude photos through cellphone text messages or e-mail.
Most teens who sexted sent the photos to girlfriends or boyfriends, but 11% sent them to strangers, according to the study made public today by the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children and Cox Communications. Of teens who sext, 80% are under 18, the survey found.
Initially, when I first began hearing about sexting, my first reaction was “that is terrible, but I can’t imagine that any of the youth in our youth group would be impacted by this.” Unfortunately, the sheer fact that many of them are either in public or private schools exposes them to the myriad of sexual experimentation that permeates so much of young adults’ lives.
As women how do we minister to girls who are exposed to, and tempted by, the lie of third-wave feminism? And as mothers, how do you protect your daughter from her own inclination towards sin, and from the evil that is seeking to lure her in? And as teenage girls, how do you learn to be “innocent in evil,” even when everyone around you is running straight towards sexual sin? And I will answer these questions tomorrow. So stay tuned!
Monday, June 16, 2008
Keeping your Heart Pure
My youngest brother has written a really good post reflecting on the keeping power of God while he was in high school. He also speaks to the importance of purity and how when we fail in that regard we stain the Gospel. He is light years ahead of where I was at 18, and I am proud to be his sister. He is an example of how not to waste your life even when the world expects you to do otherwise. Read his post. It's worth it. I praise God for his preservation of Micah these last 18 years, and I am excited to see where God takes him.
Thursday, May 3, 2007
What is Male Modesty? One Woman's Perspective
As we navigate through the topic of modesty, I felt that it would be helpful to devote one post to the issue of male modesty. I am not a man, and so I do not propose to think like one. But, just like immodest women affect men, immodest men likewise affect women. Though it is true to say that lack of discretion with regards to clothing on the part of men is inappropriate, I think the much more important aspect in relation to male modesty deals with protecting the hearts of their sisters in Christ.
First, as a disclaimer, it must be said that women have the primary role of taking steps to protect their own hearts. When in our friendly interactions with men, we take kindness to mean declaration of undying love; we are not being proactive in guarding our hearts. Part of serving the opposite sex is seeking to understand where he or she is coming from, what his or her struggles might be. Women read into things. A lot. Too much actually. This is not a cop-out for our tendency to be overly analytical. But we are wired, by God, to be responders to initiation, and a guy should understand where a woman might be coming from before he asks her to go home to his parents house for Easter dinner, just as friends.
So, as men interact with their female friends, they must be asking themselves what messages their actions are sending. What a man might see as casual conversation, a woman could see as interest. Does this mean that a woman should be angry with the man for never going beyond friendship? No. It is unfair to our brothers to read into a friendship and then expect more than what it truly is. But part of male leadership is examining what message your actions send to your sisters in Christ. If you are spending an excessive amount of time with a girl friend, talking late nights on the phone, sharing your deep thoughts, or even treating her differently than you would your other friends, and you have no plan for the future with her—you are not protecting her heart and you are not exercising your God-ordained role as a leader. Friendship with women should not be a substitute marriage—it should be a pre-requisite.
Elisabeth Elliott tells the story of Jim in her book Passion and Purity when upon finding out a girl friend likes him, he goes to her and sets the record straight, leaving no room for confusion or wrong intentions. Friendship with women is not wrong, ambiguity and ignorance to a woman’s perspective is misleading and hurtful to a fellow sister’s heart.
Modesty on the part of men and women requires much discernment, accountability, prayer, and work. It requires that we live for the benefit of others, and not ourselves. It might mean forgoing a cute outfit, or even forgoing the weekly coffee date with your good friend who is a girl. As we seek to live as biblical men and women, may we think outside of our own desires and feelings, and serve our brothers and sisters so that Christ may be glorified through our friendships.
First, as a disclaimer, it must be said that women have the primary role of taking steps to protect their own hearts. When in our friendly interactions with men, we take kindness to mean declaration of undying love; we are not being proactive in guarding our hearts. Part of serving the opposite sex is seeking to understand where he or she is coming from, what his or her struggles might be. Women read into things. A lot. Too much actually. This is not a cop-out for our tendency to be overly analytical. But we are wired, by God, to be responders to initiation, and a guy should understand where a woman might be coming from before he asks her to go home to his parents house for Easter dinner, just as friends.
So, as men interact with their female friends, they must be asking themselves what messages their actions are sending. What a man might see as casual conversation, a woman could see as interest. Does this mean that a woman should be angry with the man for never going beyond friendship? No. It is unfair to our brothers to read into a friendship and then expect more than what it truly is. But part of male leadership is examining what message your actions send to your sisters in Christ. If you are spending an excessive amount of time with a girl friend, talking late nights on the phone, sharing your deep thoughts, or even treating her differently than you would your other friends, and you have no plan for the future with her—you are not protecting her heart and you are not exercising your God-ordained role as a leader. Friendship with women should not be a substitute marriage—it should be a pre-requisite.
Elisabeth Elliott tells the story of Jim in her book Passion and Purity when upon finding out a girl friend likes him, he goes to her and sets the record straight, leaving no room for confusion or wrong intentions. Friendship with women is not wrong, ambiguity and ignorance to a woman’s perspective is misleading and hurtful to a fellow sister’s heart.
Modesty on the part of men and women requires much discernment, accountability, prayer, and work. It requires that we live for the benefit of others, and not ourselves. It might mean forgoing a cute outfit, or even forgoing the weekly coffee date with your good friend who is a girl. As we seek to live as biblical men and women, may we think outside of our own desires and feelings, and serve our brothers and sisters so that Christ may be glorified through our friendships.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Qualities of a Godly Woman: Modesty
Summer can be hard on the Christian woman, and as we have been navigating through qualities of a godly woman, our discussion would be incomplete without mentioning modesty. We have all heard the rhetoric before, right? The “Hallelujah Test” states that if you can’t praise Jesus because your shirt is too short than it’s time to get a new shirt. And the list could go on.
These are all important principles to follow, but we must remember that all of our outward actions are really pointing to what is happening inward. Our lack of discretion when it comes to our attire is speaking volumes about what we believe about the Bible. When we dress immodestly there is one of two things happening. Either we know that our clothing is inappropriate and like it that way, or we are ignorant of the effects and message of our appearance. Both are sin.
One is promoting and encouraging fornication even if the act is never committed. Jesus says “everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28). Choosing to dress immodestly for the exploitation of our own body is promoting and aiding adultery, because it is asking for lustful thoughts simply by the lack of clothing.
The other is a sin of ignorance. Many of us do this unknowingly simply because we don’t think outside of our own existence. We think we are autonomous beings whose actions only affect our lives. But our actions do affect other people. There is no clause in the Bible for women who didn’t know their clothing was inappropriate. Modesty requires thought, accountability, and a counter-cultural mentality that desires holiness more than trendiness.
Part of being a godly woman means knowing how our brothers in Christ think. A dear friend of mine told me recently that modesty is not a “weaker brother” issue, and she is right. What she was saying is that the weaker brother argument implies that the person who is weaker is the one with the problem. Both people have the problem. Immodesty is not a license to look, but it also is revealing a rebellious heart on the part of the young woman. Often time’s modesty requires forgoing the outfit of the season in order to obey Christ and to protect our brother’s eyes.
If we look at the Scriptures, we will see that modesty is a characteristic of a godly woman (1 Peter 3:3, Titus 2:5, 1 Timothy 2:9). The Fall left us with the need to cover up (Genesis 3:21), and immodesty does not exhibit an enlightened mind, like the world would like to tell us. But actually it shows the depravity and moral decay of a mind that has been corrupted by sin and made to think that nakedness outside the contexts of marriage really is a good thing.
Modesty is a Gospel issue. I heard a great sermon on biblical manhood and womanhood a month ago, and in preaching on gender in the church, the speaker took us through the entire book of 1 Timothy to show us the cohesiveness of the argument. At the end of the book, Paul tells Timothy “teach and urge these things” (1 Timothy 6:2), and the man asked the question “What are these things?” All of the things Paul had previously been talking about, which for the benefit of this topic, includes modesty (2:9). Modesty and purity must be talked about in the church because they are Gospel issues. They reveal what we think about the Gospel—whether or not we think the Gospel changes hearts.
As you think about these things, I recognize that practical examples are really helpful for discerning modest dress. So, here are some tips for dressing modestly:
- Recognize that your sinful heart will want to buck the system. The most important thing to remember is that our hearts are “deceitful above all things and desperately sick” (Jeremiah 17:9). We need changed hearts in order to desire modesty.
- Ask your dad. He knows. I have learned more about modest dressing from my dad and three brothers. They have helped me tremendously in understanding the way guys think—even though there have been times when I haven’t believed them like I should.
- Ask your mom. She knows. Moms are very helpful because they have been there before us. Titus 2:5 tells the older women to teach the younger women purity. Moms are there to teach us modesty, among other things.
- Ask the Lord to convict you when you are in your closet. Every year I find that there is one more outfit that the Lord is purging from my closet. Ask Him to make you desire modesty and then show you areas where you need growth.
- Know your Bible. Yes, the heart is desperately sick, and the only cure is Jesus, and the only way to know Him is through the Word.
- If you don’t live at home, ask your roommates to hold you accountable. In college, my roommates and I would do this. If no one was home in our room, we would go to the girls down the hall and ask them. If something was questionable, we did not leave the dorm without asking someone else first.
May God burn into your heart a desire to dress in a way that makes the Gospel of our Christ attractive.
Here are some more links:
Mrs. Mary Mohler wrote a booklet called “Modeling Modesty”:
http://albertmohler.com/documents/ModelingModesty.pdf
The Girl Talk blog is a wealth of sound, biblical information. Here is a link to their posts about modesty:
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Teenage Pregnancy in the UK
I had every intention this morning to post about something not news related. But, when I got on FOX news and saw the link to this article, I felt inclined to write about it, primarily for my own benefit, but also because it directly related to my previous post on the new MTV show (and to share with my friend Samuel something that is going on right on his own doorstep, kind of). I will post on my original intent later this weekend.
The Daily Mail in the United Kingdom came out with an article; on Friday, discussing the rise in teen pregnancy and the apparent “cool” factor that being pregnant seems to bring for these 14 year old girls. This is devastating on multiple levels, but primarily because the Labour party in Britain now has to rethink their sex education program. In their eyes something is seriously wrong, and it shows in the statistics of girls under the age of sixteen who are becoming pregnant.
According to one pregnant teen, the reason why so many girls want to have a baby is because “teenage girls think babies are cute, but they forget the physical side of being pregnant, then having to give up your own childhood to look after a baby.” And now parents, as a result of their children getting pregnant, are wondering what they did wrong. Many parents feel that their teaching on sex education, or even abstinence, is sufficient. As one parent said in the article, “the fact that Kizzy (the pregnant 14 year old) had to help four pregnant girls just goes to show we’re all failing somewhere.”
Now, I am not an expert on the education system in the United Kingdom (maybe Samuel can help me with that), or on the United States for that matter, though I do feel that a situation of this magnitude will require something far greater than simply the Labour Party deciding to teach more abstinence, or better education on safe sex. If we treat abstaining and not abstaining as mere lifestyle choices that we can pick from then we will continue to have children having children. Abstinence without the Gospel will not keep our young girls childless for very long. A heart that has been called out of darkness into light awakens in us a desire to abstain because Christ is now our treasure, and because God commanded it. There is much more at stake then simply changing the teenage pregnancy rate. If we continue to legislate change, instead of the Church proclaiming Christ crucified, then we will not see a change in our moral problem, because the chains of sin will still be wrapped around the hearts of our young people. Souls in bondage to sin cannot do what God commands, because even if they do abstain, they are doing it in their own strength and not the strength that God supplies, which inevitably leads to empty moralism and pride.
These young girls are in my prayers today, and so is the church in the United Kingdom. May the Gospel go forward in the hearts of these children, and their parents, and may they see the power of the Cross to awaken our dead hearts, and free us from sin. I close with my favorite line from my favorite hymn:
“My chains fell off, my soul was free. I rose, went forth, and followed thee. Amazing love, how can it be, that Thou my God should die for me?”
Until this truth is proclaimed, there can be no true abstinence.
The Daily Mail in the United Kingdom came out with an article; on Friday, discussing the rise in teen pregnancy and the apparent “cool” factor that being pregnant seems to bring for these 14 year old girls. This is devastating on multiple levels, but primarily because the Labour party in Britain now has to rethink their sex education program. In their eyes something is seriously wrong, and it shows in the statistics of girls under the age of sixteen who are becoming pregnant.
According to one pregnant teen, the reason why so many girls want to have a baby is because “teenage girls think babies are cute, but they forget the physical side of being pregnant, then having to give up your own childhood to look after a baby.” And now parents, as a result of their children getting pregnant, are wondering what they did wrong. Many parents feel that their teaching on sex education, or even abstinence, is sufficient. As one parent said in the article, “the fact that Kizzy (the pregnant 14 year old) had to help four pregnant girls just goes to show we’re all failing somewhere.”
Now, I am not an expert on the education system in the United Kingdom (maybe Samuel can help me with that), or on the United States for that matter, though I do feel that a situation of this magnitude will require something far greater than simply the Labour Party deciding to teach more abstinence, or better education on safe sex. If we treat abstaining and not abstaining as mere lifestyle choices that we can pick from then we will continue to have children having children. Abstinence without the Gospel will not keep our young girls childless for very long. A heart that has been called out of darkness into light awakens in us a desire to abstain because Christ is now our treasure, and because God commanded it. There is much more at stake then simply changing the teenage pregnancy rate. If we continue to legislate change, instead of the Church proclaiming Christ crucified, then we will not see a change in our moral problem, because the chains of sin will still be wrapped around the hearts of our young people. Souls in bondage to sin cannot do what God commands, because even if they do abstain, they are doing it in their own strength and not the strength that God supplies, which inevitably leads to empty moralism and pride.
These young girls are in my prayers today, and so is the church in the United Kingdom. May the Gospel go forward in the hearts of these children, and their parents, and may they see the power of the Cross to awaken our dead hearts, and free us from sin. I close with my favorite line from my favorite hymn:
“My chains fell off, my soul was free. I rose, went forth, and followed thee. Amazing love, how can it be, that Thou my God should die for me?”
Until this truth is proclaimed, there can be no true abstinence.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
MTV's Saving Sex for Marriage?
MTV’s telling people to save sex for marriage? Well, not exactly. There is a new reality entitled “Engaged and Underage” which chronicles the lives of couples who are young, in-love, engaged, and abstaining from sex until they are married. This should cause evangelicals to jump for joy. At first glance it could look like MTV has turned the tide and steered away from its usual endorsement of promiscuity. But a recent article in the New York Times, which discusses this new show, saddens me and causes me to think about the abstinence movement as a whole.
You see, this television show is not looked at as a model to live by. Like every other reality show out there, it offers caricatures of people who choose to remain chaste until marriage—because, let’s face it, normal people aren’t all that interesting. The author of the New York Times article likened it to “a clever inversion of a rape thriller. Rather than pray that the virgin escapes the glowering lecher, you pray that the young sweethearts surrender their high ideals, go all the way and postpone their terrifying wedding.” Have we so cheapened abstinence that we now joke about it in the context of rape?
I think the most telling, and saddest quote comes from Bre, one of the “brides to be” who says that she actually got the idea of abstinence from Jessica Simpson, and thought “what a great idea.” And now, the Bible is not even our guide for moral living.
As I read this article this morning I asked myself, is God honored in these young couple’s obedience to His command to abstain from sexual immorality? Is MTV contributing to the glory of God in their marketing of these people’s love lives? No. Abstinence for the sake of abstinence is not abstinence at all, and in no way does this show help the wider Christian movement. Abstinence separated from the teachings of Scripture, and most importantly, void of a regenerate heart changed by the Gospel, is still going to send people to hell. We don’t save sex for marriage because we want an MTV show devoted to our moralistic efforts, but because our hearts have been transformed by the power of the Cross and thus made us obedient to God. All of the commands of God to flee from sexual immorality (Leviticus 18:20, 1 Corinthians 6:18, Ephesians 5:1, 1 Thessalonians 4:3 and others) do so not because it is hip and cool, and not even because Jessica Simpson is doing it, but because once we were dead and now we are alive. Once we walked in darkness, and now we walk in light. Once we walked in debauchery, and now we walk in purity. May the Word of our God go forward in a lost MTV generation.
You see, this television show is not looked at as a model to live by. Like every other reality show out there, it offers caricatures of people who choose to remain chaste until marriage—because, let’s face it, normal people aren’t all that interesting. The author of the New York Times article likened it to “a clever inversion of a rape thriller. Rather than pray that the virgin escapes the glowering lecher, you pray that the young sweethearts surrender their high ideals, go all the way and postpone their terrifying wedding.” Have we so cheapened abstinence that we now joke about it in the context of rape?
I think the most telling, and saddest quote comes from Bre, one of the “brides to be” who says that she actually got the idea of abstinence from Jessica Simpson, and thought “what a great idea.” And now, the Bible is not even our guide for moral living.
As I read this article this morning I asked myself, is God honored in these young couple’s obedience to His command to abstain from sexual immorality? Is MTV contributing to the glory of God in their marketing of these people’s love lives? No. Abstinence for the sake of abstinence is not abstinence at all, and in no way does this show help the wider Christian movement. Abstinence separated from the teachings of Scripture, and most importantly, void of a regenerate heart changed by the Gospel, is still going to send people to hell. We don’t save sex for marriage because we want an MTV show devoted to our moralistic efforts, but because our hearts have been transformed by the power of the Cross and thus made us obedient to God. All of the commands of God to flee from sexual immorality (Leviticus 18:20, 1 Corinthians 6:18, Ephesians 5:1, 1 Thessalonians 4:3 and others) do so not because it is hip and cool, and not even because Jessica Simpson is doing it, but because once we were dead and now we are alive. Once we walked in darkness, and now we walk in light. Once we walked in debauchery, and now we walk in purity. May the Word of our God go forward in a lost MTV generation.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
