A Woman's Influence

My husband values my opinion. When he has a big decision to make, or a serious idea weighing on his mind, he seeks my counsel. When he is working on a sermon, like he has been the last two weeks, he asks what I think about the text. There are a thousand little decisions that he makes throughout his days without talking to me about them, but when big things are on the line, we talk because he cares about what I think.

Because my husband values my opinion so much, I often think about what I say to him and how I influence him. What I say matters to him. And while he is the leader of our home and the buck ultimately stops with him, I never want to use my influence to manipulate him or influence him negatively.

I’ve been reading through Kings and Chronicles the last few weeks. Usually I’m struck by the sad commentary on the life of the kings in Israel and Judah. With the exception of a rare few, many of them turned away from God and worshipped the idols of the land. But something else stood out to me more forcefully this time.

The influence of their wives.

Solomon was the wisest king who ever lived. But as we now know, he didn’t end well. He disobeyed God’s law and married foreign women—women who drew his heart away from God. For the rest of the history of the kings of Judah and Israel, they repeatedly married women who were idol worshippers and against God and his people.

And Solomon was not alone. The first marriage was no different. In the Garden of Eden we see Eve believing the lies of Satan and dragging her husband down with her. And when God’s people begin to grow and are living among idol worshippers, he repeatedly reminded them to flee from unholy marriages—marriages that united them to the surrounding nations. Why was God so concerned about who they married? God knew the power of the marriage relationship, because he created it. The Old Testament repeatedly plays out this theme of marriages that were outside of God’s design, and therefore led to problems for his people.

Obviously, the influence of an unbelieving spouse goes both ways. So a husband could just as easily lead his wife astray. But I think women have a unique ability to influence their husbands unlike anyone else in his life.

Proverbs 31:11 says that the heart of a husband trusts in his wife. He trusts that she will do him good. He trusts in her love for him. He relies on her as his helper and companion. There is no greater bond than the marriage relationship. God knew what he was doing when he commanded Christians to marry Christians. So when we see marriages like Ahab and Jezebel in Kings, we feel the tension of her overwhelming influence over him and his complete abdication of responsibility. She used her power to influence him to love what she loved—the gods of this world.

So what does this mean for believing women? Can we still influence our husbands in ways that are not helpful? Obviously, by God’s grace we won’t be drawing their hearts away to worship idols, but we might use our power in less obvious ways.

Women can be master manipulators. We can twist a story, use emotion, use our knowledge of our husband’s weaknesses and strengths, and use his love for us to get what we want. So here are a few questions to ask ourselves:

Do we withhold information?
I know I am prone to do this. I might not “lie”, but I might keep out important details to influence my husband to do something that I want him to do.

Do we use sex?
This is fairly self-explanatory, but we can use our sexuality and bodies for our own gain, rather than giving our bodies freely to our husbands as a gift, not leverage.

Do we use the power of affirmation?
Men want to know that they are doing well. I’ve seen my husband be empowered to lead more boldly and fulfill his responsibilities with greater strength all because I’ve encouraged him in what God is already doing in his life. The flip side of this is that we can easily use the power of words for our own advantage to get what we want.

It’s easy to look at the sinful women in the Old Testament and think that this has nothing to do with us. In some senses, that’s true. They were unsaved idol worshippers, we are trusting in Christ and saved by his righteousness. But do our husbands trust us because we do them good all of our days? Or do they trust us because we have learned how to use our role as wives for our own gain?

A wife has tremendous influence in her marriage relationship. Women have been using this influence since the beginning of time. The real question is how we are using this influence. As redeemed women, bought by the blood of Christ, let us use our influence to do our husbands good all of our days.

My name is Courtney. It's nice to meet you.

I have been doing this little blog for nearly 4 years now. Crazy! A lot has happened from 2007 to 2012, and the blog has been there for it all. I have been on two mission trips. I confessed to being a recovering feminist. I moved to Louisville to attend seminary. I met my amazing husband and got married. I struggled through learning how to be a wife. My grandpa passed away during our first year of marriage. I miscarried shortly after our one year wedding anniversary. Daniel graduated from seminary. We moved to Little Rock to plant a church. And now, we are walking through infertility. It has been a wild, crazy, fun, and sorrowful ride.

"Don't Waste Your Infertility" brought some of you to this blog. Some of you have been here for a while. Some of you are my family and friends. Some of you are far away friends. But none of you are strangers. I'm the kind of extrovert who hasn't ever really met a stranger. So if you are new here, let me be the first to welcome you to my blog. I'm glad you are here. If you lived near me, I would totally have you over for coffee. But since many of you are not, I'm glad we can connect through this little thing called the internet.

The blog is called In View of God's Mercy, and that's what leads me to write. God has saved me and bestowed his mercy upon me. My thoughts are in light of that amazing reality. Sometimes I write about personal things. Sometimes I write about cultural things. Sometimes I write about food (yum!). But most of the time I just write about the things he is teaching me on this journey called life. So if you are an old friend around here, consider this a little update/refresher. If you are new, thanks for stopping by. I'm glad to walk this road with you.

The Power of Persistence

“And he told them a parable to the effect that they ought always to pray and not lose heart.” –Luke 18:1

Do you lose heart? Do you find yourself growing weary of daily coming to the Lord only to be met with a “no” or “not now” answer? Do you even believe he will answer you when you call to him?

This verse begins the parable of the persistent widow in Luke 18:1-8. Jesus told parables to bring truths to greater light for those who had ears to hear it, and to further blind those who were unwilling to see the light. In this case, Luke tells us that Jesus is telling this parable to encourage his hearers and to teach them that they should always pray. We know that these hearers are his disciples because of the previous verses that reveal that Jesus is simply continuing his teaching to them from Luke 17.

So why does Jesus see the need to encourage them and spur them on to fervency in prayer? He knows what’s coming. There was going to be a day where he was no longer with them. There was coming a day where all of the external circumstances would seem like God had forgotten them. In those days, discouragement and fear over God’s care for them would surely follow. So he teaches them through a parable—a parable that highlights the character of God.

Jesus, through the parable of the persistent widow, was showing his disciples that by the very nature of his character, God is able and willing to answer prayer and give good gifts to his children. Why was he doing this? So they wouldn’t lose heart. Jesus knows the human condition. He knows our tendency to grow weary—especially when our prayers seem to be unanswered. He experienced it acutely. He knows what it feels like to be tempted towards discouragement—and even more than that, he knows the answer for it. So he tells the disciples (and us) a parable. The ones who have ears will hear and not lose heart.

So what are the implications of this for us? Jesus is showing us how we must beseech God in our distress—boldly and with hope. We can approach him boldly because we know that, unlike the judge in the parable, God is a gracious and merciful God who delights in giving good things to us. And we can come with hope because we know that he will act. His character tells us so.

Jesus wants us to see the kindness of the Father in greater measure in this parable. He wants us to look at the character of this judge, in stark contrast to the gracious and merciful character of the Father, and have hope. God will answer our prayers. God will act on our behalf.

But then Jesus poses the real question: “Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?” Jesus begins and ends the parable with his reasoning for speaking in this way. Will you trust him? Will you look to the character of God for your basis for persisting even when you are overcome with adversity, or will you lose heart and fall away proving that you were never saved? The stakes are high, but you serve a faithful God. He will bring you to the last day. He will execute justice for you. He will answer your constant petitions to him. We don’t worship an absentee Father. Hold on to his promises to you. Cry out to him day and night. He will act.

This encourages me so much, especially when how I feel towards praying can be so up and down lately. I have seen him show up and rescue me from despair after days and days of begging him to give me eyes to see his glory. The day will come, dear Christian. Be like the persistent widow. Plead with God to answer you when you call to him. And he will show up. His character is gracious and kind. And he delights to give good gifts to his children.

The Supremacy of Christ and Roe v. Wade

Yesterday marked the 39th anniversary of the Supreme Court decision to legalize abortion in every state. And while we grieve and fight to end abortion in our own country, we recognize that the slaughter of millions of children through infanticide is a worldwide epidemic. In our own country it's primarily through abortion, in other countries it shows up in sex-selection abortions and murdering of infants simply because they are female. It's horrific from every angle and it's a reality we must face.

Last week, my students learned about the image of God in my marriage and family class. The primary emphasis being that to understand marriage, to understand what it means to be male and female, we must first understand what it means to be created in the image of God. This has implications for a variety of things in our life, the most relevant one today is that all children regardless of gestational age are image bearers of our Creator. On Friday we watched a video by Voddie Baucham on the image of God and something he said stood out to me as I watched the above video. He essentially said that atrocities like slavery were eventually ended because of the supremacy of Christ. Why? Because Christians, who trusted in Christ as the supreme and greatest treasure, believed that all human beings were created in the image of God. They had incredible worth and value, regardless of the color of their skin. And that was worth fighting for.

What does that mean for us today? What does that mean for us as millions of babies have been murdered in this country alone? What does that mean for the woman in India who thinks that her eight daughters mean less in this world than one son? It means that, as Christians, we have an answer to the horror. We can fight with boldness because of what we know about God's creation. We can pray with passion because we know that God cares about baby girls in India and first-trimester babies in America. And we can trust that one day our Savior, King Jesus, will return and make all things new--from the repentant abortionist to the discarded baby.

Friday is for Food: Grilled Chicken Sandwiches

Spicy Chicken and Arugula Sandwich
from Cooking Light (I changed it a bit)

Ingredients:
2 (6 oz.) skinless, boneless chicken breast halves
1 tablespoon of fajita seasoning
1/4 cup light mayo
3 tablespoons of chopped fresh cilantro
1 teaspoon of grated lime rind
1 tablespoon fresh lime juice
1 (9 oz.) round loaf focaccia, halved horizontally (I used ciabatta rolls instead)
1 medium ripe tomato, sliced thinly
Sliced red onion (if you like red onion)
1 1/2 cups of trimmed arugula (I used spring lettuce and spinach mix, so you can use any green that you want)

Directions:
Heat grill
Place plastic wrap over chicken; pound each piece to a 1/4 inch thickness using a meat mallet or rolling pin. Sprinkle both sides of chicken with fajita seasoning. Add chicken to grill.

While chicken is cooking, combine mayo, cilantro, rind, and juice; spread evenly over cut bread. Arrange chicken on the bottom half of bread; top with arugula (or lettuce), tomato, and onion. Cover with top half of the bread.

Serve with Paula Deen's sweet potato fries and enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!

Keller on Marriage

"I'm tired of listening to sentimental talks on marriage. At weddings, in church, and in Sunday School, much of what I've heard on the subject has as much depth as a Hallmark card. While marriage is many things, it is anything but sentimental. Marriage is glorious but hard. It's burning joy and strength, and yet it is also blood, sweat, and tears, humbling defeats and exhausting victories. No marriage I know more than a few weeks old could be described as a fairy tale come true. Therefore, it is not surprising that the only phrase in Paul's famous discourse on marriage in Ephesians 5 that many couples can relate to is verse 32. Sometimes you fall into bed, after a long hard day of trying to understand each other, and you can only sigh: 'This is all a profound mystery!' At times, your marriage seems to be an unsolvable puzzle, a maze in which you feel lost."

"I believe all this, and yet there's no relationship between human beings that is greater or more important than marriage. In the Bible's account, God himself officiates at the first wedding (Genesis 2:22-25). And when the man sees the woman, he breaks into poetry and exclaims, 'At last!' Everything in the text proclaims that marriage, next to our relationship with God, is the most profound relationship there is. And that is why, like knowing God himself, coming to know and love your spouse is difficult and painful yet rewarding and wondrous."

"The most painful, the most rewarding - this is the Biblical understanding of marriage, and that has never been a more important time to lift it up and give it prominence in our culture."

-Tim and Kathy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage

As I prepare to teach my first marriage and family class to high school students tomorrow, I'm praying that I accurately and faithfully teach these realities to the next generation.

The Kate Middleton Baby Watch, and Why We Shouldn't Participate

Yesterday, Her.meneutics (the Christianity Today women's blog) ran a post I wrote about the hype surrounding whether or not Kate Middleton will have a baby this year. It seems to me that our cultural obsession with a little royal is an exaggerated snapshot of our comfort with asking people we hardly know when they will have kids. Sometimes our lack of knowledge about their situation, coupled with questions about their plans, can bring more pain to their situation. Obviously, this doesn't pertain to everyone, nor is it the same thing as asking good friends about their plans for children. It's more of a general observation and some thoughts on how to think through the questions we ask people we don't know very well.

In the post, I say:

You never really know where people are. I’ve seen people ask a woman when she was going to add another child to her bunch, only to find out later that she had miscarried a week earlier. She and her husband were trying; it just wasn’t public information. We tend to be really comfortable with asking couples when they might want to have children, but we tend be unaware of the fact that these questions might bring pain rather than encouragement. Unless we are invested in the lives of young couples in our churches, we don’t know about their circumstances any more than we know about Middleton’s.

Of course, the answer is not an end to all pregnancy questions. Children are a gift from the Lord and should be welcomed and celebrated. One of the things we often fail to embrace when we ask such questions is that conception is not a man-made invention. Even the most fertile couple in the world can “plan” their family only to be met with a little “surprise” earlier than they had scheduled. God is the author of life, an oft-forgotten concept in our zeal for new children. But as Christians, our questions should always be laced with sensitivity and, more often than is true, restraint. Thinking through your questions before you ask them can bring a wealth of grace and encouragement to a couple who might be facing infertility or the loss of a child.

Read the rest here.