Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Our First Baby

Two years ago I was diagnosed with something called endometriosis. While this condition can cause infertility, my doctor was optimistic that, with treatment, getting pregnant would not be a problem. So you can imagine the excitement we felt when on the morning of July 27 we saw the little blue line that told us we were pregnant!

As with any new pregnancy we were nervous about the unknown, but excited about the little life growing inside of me. We could hardly wait to tell people about our first baby. For over two weeks we were given the gift of this little life. And we are grateful for every second.

And then God took our baby last Wednesday evening.

I don’t really know what else to say except ask for your prayers in this time. My mind is a jumble of emotions right now and nothing really sounds right when it comes out. The loss we feel at this time is tremendous, and there is an aching feeling in our souls that is our constant shadow.

We have truly felt upheld by the prayers and support of God’s people in this time. Our church family has been a constant support. Our family has been a blessing from a distance. And all of our friends near and far have held us up through prayers, phone calls, and a shoulder to weep on. We will be weeping for a while.

These two verses from “How Firm a Foundation” have been my refrain this last week:

When through the deep waters I call you to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;
For I will be with you, your troubles to bless,
And sanctify to you your deepest distress.

When through fiery trials your pathway shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be your supply;
The flame shall not hurt you;
I only design
Your dross to consume, and your gold to refine.

The flames won’t kill us, even though it feels like it sometimes. And God has not left us and has been our rock, for which we are so grateful. Thank you for your prayers.

10 comments:

Denita Ruhnow said...

Weeping may tarry for the night,
but joy comes with the morning.
Psalm 30:5b

I'll be praying for you, sister.

Anonymous said...

While the loss will always be with you, I can testify from losing my first baby, that God's grace is sufficient and His comfort is sure. I have prayed for you and Daniel and will continue to pray.
He is faithful!
Love,
donna

Chelsea Bass said...

Oh, Sister. Crying. Praying.

Rachel said...

Courtney, please know I am praying for you guys. What a comfort to know our lives are in the hands of our living, sovereign God, and who knows exactly what is best for us. Cling to His promises.

With love,
Rachel H.

cdt said...

Thank you for your prayers, everyone. Your care is such a blessing to us.

easchaefer said...

Courtney,
I am so sorry. Joy and sorrow can stand so close together. May you cling to Jesus. I am so glad you got to know that God created a life in your womb... my heart aches that that little life has ended so soon. I am hoping in God with you.
-Anna

cdt said...

Anna,

Thank you so much for commenting. I am thankful for the brief amount of time we knew our baby was there.

Jenna said...

There's a song by Watermark called "Glory Baby" that the Lord really used in my heart as I grieved the loss of our first baby early on in the pregnancy. I pray that God can use it to minister to your tender heart at this time...

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…

BRIDGE:
I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…

you can listen to it here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FobeElssLCs

may God's peace permeate throughout your heart at this time. i am so sorry for your loss :(

Jenna

cdt said...

Jenna,

Thank you so much for posting the lyrics to that song. They are the cry of my heart right now, and I am sure will be until I see my baby one day.

Thanks for reading and for the encouragement.

-Courtney

Jenna said...

You're welcome, Courtney. I never remember being so vulnerable- ever- as I was when we lost our baby. I never remember be so broken, either- and it was a sweet brokenness that the Lord used to make me walk more closely with Him. I pray the same for you.