Tuesday, June 18, 2013

A Kindness That Cannot Be Repaid

Every day I stare at a big stack of thank you notes from my baby shower. And that’s pretty much all I do with them. You see, my baby shower was nine days before the boys’ unexpected arrival. I barely had time to unpack and put away all of the gracious gifts before our doctor told us “it’s time to have these babies.” When the whirlwind of their birth happened even more people poured out abundant kindness to us through meals, more gifts, and rides to the hospital. There were many days that we were moved to tears by all that people were doing for us. And my thank you list kept growing. Every time someone bought something for us or did a kind deed everything in me wanted to find some way to repay them for all of their service to us. And yet, here I was helpless (and I still am pretty helpless) to do anything because I was overwhelmed by a major surgery recovery and caring for two boys in the NICU. Now that they are home I have even less time.
I have said before that this season in my life feels like I am constantly depending on people. And that’s hard for me. Now I can’t even appropriately thank the people who care for us. My inability to properly thank people in a reasonable time frame, has caused me to better understand Christ’s work on my behalf. My needy, desperate state as a busy mom of two little babies has helped me see my needy, desperate state before the God of the universe. Christ invaded my dead heart and made me alive through his blood. Christ is strong when I am weak. Christ is sufficient when I am failing. And every day is another reminder that I can’t repay him either. There is no amount of goodness that will be enough for what he did for me. There is no big enough “thank you” for his sacrifice on my behalf.

So while etiquette and thankfulness rightly tell me that sending those thank you’s is the right thing to do, and it is (and I’m finally almost done!). My feelings of inadequacy to ever say or do enough in return are here to stay. Not only do they remind me of God’s kindness to me through people, but more importantly they remind me of his kindness to me through our Savior. He has given the ultimate gift that can never be repaid.