Monday, October 25, 2010

Help After Miscarriage: Pray For Their Marriage

God has been kind to provide countless people who have ministered to Daniel and me in the weeks and months following our miscarriage. There were days where I was overwhelmed by the encouragement our dear friends and family graciously gave to us. I have heard people say that pregnancy loss is a “silent sorrow.” And in many ways it is. There is a deep ache in my soul that is hard to put into words at times. But many of our dear friends have shared in this sorrow with us given a voice to the silence.

As I have time I am going to be posting some ways that we have been helped through our miscarriage in hopes that it helps others grasping for ways to minister to friends and family. It won’t be exhaustive and it will only be from my own experience. Everyone responds to loss differently, so it won’t be, and could never be, cookie cutter. Nothing replaces knowing your friend in her loss. So if these ways don’t work for her, that’s okay. Just know that everyone is different. Thank you all who have read and prayed for us from afar. I guess this is what it feels like to be a proud mom, because it means the world to me that you care about our little baby.

Daniel and I have leaned into each other and the Savior in ways we never dreamed of on the day we said “I do.” Sometimes I look at our wedding pictures and tear up thinking to myself, “you didn’t know what was coming.” And we still don’t, really. This is the first of many sufferings we will face as God gives us lives together. It’s not easy. But I wouldn’t want to go through it with anyone else given the choice. This experience has bonded us. I love him more today than I did this time last year.

Perhaps the way to help the couple most in the days following a miscarriage is to pray for their marriage. If your friends are like us they will probably grieve differently, so as time moves on one spouse might feel left behind. This can cause tension, or at least it did for us for a period of time. The enemy hates two things especially—life and marriage; life because it represents the image of God, and marriage because it points to the hope of Christ and his blood-bought relationship with the Church. If he can’t destroy you by taking away your child, he will work overtime to rip apart your marriage. At least that is what it felt like to me. God used the prayers of our friends and family to uphold us.

By God’s grace, this tension only lasted for a few short days. But in the days following this moment of distance I realized how easy it is for couples to drift apart after a loss, and many do. Pray for your friend’s marriage. It might seem like a small way to help, but it can work wonders in their life. God delights in answering the prayers of his people, and he delights in godly marriages showcasing his glory in the midst of sorrow. Pray that this is the case for your friend. She may never know that you did this for her, but God will know. And the fruit born out of praying friends will have a lasting impact in the life of your friend, her marriage, and in the lives of her future children.

2 comments:

Laurin said...

Courtney, your words are so uplifting. You may have noticed (or not) that in my last blog entry I wrote something like "a dear friend put a verse to me in this way: live in Light of the Gosepl..." You were that dear friend that said something to me or in your talk last week that spoke volumes to my heart and soul as you said b/c of that verse (I cannot even recall the verse),we can live life in Light of the Gospel. And that is how you are handling every step of your loss and all your gain of the precious baby: you are taking what is painful, taking the Truth that God puts before you and living life in the Light of the Gospel. Praise to the Lord, the Almighty. And we are continuing to pray for you and Daniel.

cdt said...

Laurin,
I thought that maybe I said that but then I thought to myself, "of course, you didn't say that Courtney. Don't be so prideful that she would mention you!" :) Sad thing is I can't remember the verse now either!

Thanks for commenting. So much of what I am writing is about you. You have helped me tremendously, friend.