Every morning I stare at a picture on my bedroom wall that has a silhouette of an unborn baby. In the picture the baby is held in the palm of God's hands. Underneath the picture is this verse:
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you." - Jeremiah 1:5
My mom bought me this picture shortly after we lost our first baby. For the last two years the picture has served as a memory of the precious life we never knew, but also as a painful reminder of what we were seemingly unable to have again. Every piece of the picture is formed by bible verses that talk about the value of life. As I looked at this picture every day I would often cry out to God begging him for the blessing of another life.
The picture took on a whole new meaning when we found out about this pregnancy, and now the twins. I have said before that fear has been a constant struggle for me. And while the picture once served as a memory of the baby we lost, it now reminds me daily that God is the one who knows our children better than I do. Yes, I am connected to them. Yes, my very life is the source of their life. But in the most real sense I do not truly know them yet. I only know of them. God, who is the sovereign creator of all life, knows them deeply. He knows what they will be like. He knows who they will look like. He knows their interests, their faults, the color of their eyes, and even the number of days they will live on this earth.
And this is why I can trust him with their lives.
While I am their mother and the one who will take care of their every need, there are many things I can never know about them because I am not God. This should give me reason to hope in his goodness, not retreat in fear. The reality of his knowledge of them is a precious reminder that he loves these babies even more than I do. Not only did he intricately create them, but he knew their very souls before he even created them.
God is not indifferent to these lives growing inside of me. In fact, he's the complete opposite. Down to the very hairs (or lack of hair) on their head, he knows and loves them more than I ever could. And that is saying a lot! I can trust him with these babies because he cares for me and them in ways that I cannot even begin to comprehend.
The truth I have to keep coming back to is that ultimately these babies are his anyway. Daniel and I are only stewards of these precious gifts. And because they are his I can give them to him in faith knowing that he loves them and knows them even now.