Monday, February 18, 2013

The Night Before Our Lives Changed Forever

I wrote this the night before the twins ended up being born. When I wrote it I thought I would be having them a couple of days later and had no idea that I was a mere few hours away from going into labor. I thought I would be spending my 30th birthday hooked up to monitors awaiting the arrival of our boys. Instead I spent my 30th birthday in labor, and subsequently on an operating table staring at my precious sons for the very first time. Lucas Daniel Reissig was born at 1:02 PM. Zachary Garrett Reissig was born at 1:04 PM. And 30 years prior, Courtney Dawn Tarter (now Reissig) was born via c-section at 1:06 PM. How's that for crazy timing?!?

The night before they came I couldn't sleep at all, primarily because the steroid shot made me wide awake. So I read everything the NICU gave us that night, read Scripture, looked at Pinterest, checked Facebook a million times, prayed, and wrote this post. I had not stayed up all night since high school and I really hope I don't have to do it again any time soon. But I will say that I feel like God did that to help me prepare for the craziness that was awaiting me that morning. Here is what God was doing in my heart the night before our lives changed forever.

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So yesterday we went to our normal ultrasound appointment knowing that Luke looked a little small last time. But honestly, I was not anticipating he would want them to come this week. After measuring Luke first he gave us the news that Luke was not keeping up with Zach and was now in the 11% while Zach was in the 64%. Plus, after examining Luke's cord on the ultrasound he thought there were some blood flow discrepancies that were contributing to his slow growth. Basically, my uterus was no longer safe for Luke. His recommendation to us was that I get started on steroids to strengthen their lungs and then deliver them after they have had 48 hours to work. He then told us it would be best to go home, pack our bags, and check-in to the hospital until we have these babies. So we did everything he said. We rushed home, got our stuff together (thankfully I started that this weekend), and headed to the hospital, our home for the next few days. The doctor who will deliver them, and who has walked through our infertility with us, came to see me and said he will deliver them via c-section on Thursday. Luke was just too small to try to have them any other way. So we will have our boys by the end of the week. And two days after my 30th birthday. Not a bad set of birthday gifts! My mom is flying in on Wednesday and my sister-in-law (one of them) is coming Thursday morning. I am so glad I will have family around for this since it will be a very emotional time, I am sure. By the time I deliver they will be 32 weeks and 1 day. And Luke could be under 3 pounds.

When we got pregnant with them we always knew this was a risk, and would be another opportunity for us to trust our great God. In fact, our entire life these last two and a half years has been one roller coaster ride of God continually calling us to trust him as good, wise, and loving. If we don't believe that now in the scariest moments of our children's lives to date, we will never be able to teach them honestly about this God we claim to love and trust. Here is where the rubber meets the road. Do I trust him? Do I believe he cares for me? Do I believe he is for me? I want to. In some moments I struggle for control. In others I feel remarkably calm, and if you know me that can only be from him.

We have felt loved beyond what we could imagine. God has shown up in so many ways these last couple of days. From the fact that my high risk doctor pushed my appointment forward so he could see me sooner, which revealed Luke's minimal growth over a 10 day period. To the countless emails, texts, gifts, flowers, and visits we have received from friends and family all over. These people have walked this road of infertility with us and loved us well in the sorrow. Now they are loving us well in the uncertainty of delivering our precious boys eight weeks early. We are overjoyed to introduce them to everyone very soon. God knew this would happen and he is not surprised by their early arrival.

God does not leave is to ourselves in uncertain and frightening days. Fear has always been a big struggle of mine. My vivid imagination does a number on my thoughts in difficult days. But I have been comforted by all of the evidences of God's sovereign hand throughout this entire experience. He knew this would happen. He knit these boys together and ordained the day of their birth. I just never thought it would be 2 days after mine! Or on my brother's birthday! So we look to him, the one who sustains every molecule in this universe, and the ones holding our sons together, too.

Thank you for your prayers. We are looking forward to meeting them on Thursday morning and introducing them to all these people, near and far, who have prayed for these miracle babies for so long.

Isaiah 25 reminds us that God has established his plans from the beginning and will accomplish them. These are his good plans for us and for our boys.

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Thankfully, Luke weighed more than we thought, and their discrepancy was not as vast. Luke weighed 3 lbs 4 ozs and Zach weighed 3 lbs 15 ozs. It was discovered that Luke's cord actually implanted in the membrane of the placenta, not directly into the placenta. This accounted for his slow growth the entire pregnancy. It wasn't until after his arrival that we realized how rare and serious this was. My labor and delivery nurse told me that if my water had broken up top near that spot (rather than on the bottom) both of us could have bled out before we got the hospital. We believe that God is sovereign, but in moments like this we are even more aware of his power and authority over all things. We are thankful for life and thankful for the life of these sweet boys. And now we can't wait to take them home!

2 comments:

Grace said...

:) :) :)

sarahataquiethome said...

Hi! I recently came across your blog and I really like it! Congratulations on the birth of your little ones, praise God both are doing so well!

Trusting God can be so hard, especially when what we see seems so contradictory and frightening, but He is so good and so faithful and totally trustworthy!

Looking forward to more of your writing and baby updates! {I'm 37.3 days pregnant with our first!}