The Stewardship of Pain

Nobody likes pain. I know I don't. We hate pain so much that we do whatever we can to avoid it. We have a headache, we take ibuprofen. We get a leg cramp while running (true confession!), so we stop running. We have surgery, we go under anesthesia. As a society, we have come a long way by means of pain management.

But what about the pain that runs deeper. The pain that settles itself within your very soul. How do you avoid that pain? Some turn to a variety of coping mechanisms. Some simply try to avoid it all together, as if the pain never existed. What is the Christian to do? Do we adopt the world's methods for "pain management," or is there a better, more sustaining way forward in the midst of searing pain?

Jerry Bridges has some helpful words for our pain. In God's providence, Jerry Bridges has been on my nightstand for both of my miscarriages. For the first one, it was Trusting God. This time, it was The Joy of Fearing God. Both times I have been helped tremendously by Bridges careful and God-exalting words.

We usually think of Christian stewardship in terms of money. Some churches have "stewardship campaigns" during which they seek to get their membership to pledge toward the annual church budget. Then the concept of stewardship was broadened to include our time and talents--or as one slogan puts it, "Be a good steward of your time, talents, and treasure." The idea behind these concepts is that whatever resources God has given us, He has entrusted them to us as stewards to use for His glory.

Now apply that idea to pain, either physical or emotional. If we believe God is sovereignly in control of all circumstances of our lives, then our pain is something He has given to us just as much as our time or talents or treasure. He has entrusted the pain to us to be used for His glory...

Closely akin to trusting God in our pain is trusting Him to fulfill His promises, even when we can't imagine how He can fulfill them (225-226).

That is what I want for my own life. I want to steward the pain he gives me for his glory, and ultimately for my own good. This radically changes our perspective on suffering and pain. It takes pain from being something that is against us to something that is given to us as a gift. It is always for our good, even when it feels and seems bleak.

Stewarding our pain well can only be done with the future in view. If we merely looked at the present we would grow weary rather quickly. Instead, like so many who have gone before us, we must look to the eternal home, healing, and rest that awaits us with our Lord. It is impossible to steward our pain well on our own and with tunnel vision. We need God to give us an eternal perspective and the hope that Christ will reign victorious over even the most excruciating pain we face.

Oh Lord, let it be so in my own life, even today.

 

 

The Bible and the Pain of Infertility (a Resource)

I'm pretty sure I have read this article at least five times since I first learned about it a little over a year ago. I have a number of good friends who have read it too, so I know that for some readers this is probably not a new resource. But I have found it extremely helpful. If you are not struggling with infertility yourself, but are close to someone who is, this article provides a clear window into what the infertile person might be feeling and going through.

But what makes this article so good is that it goes even farther than just explaining how infertility makes you feel. It tells who where to go from there, from two people who have been there. It provides a biblical framework for thinking through your infertility, and also provides counsel to those who want to help someone struggling with infertility.

If you have not yet read it, I encourage you to do so. I pray you will be blessed by it just as I have been.

Read it here

God is in the Heat

"It is incredibly encouraging to realize that the Bible addresses the world as we know it. God makes it very clear that he understands the Heat we face every day. It isn't always pleasant to read the honest stories of Scripture, but it is comforting. We realize that we will never face an experience, no matter how dark or difficult, that would be a shock to our God. The hope and help God offers his children reflect his knowledge of the full range of human experience..."

"Life on earth is a wilderness. Each day we face unexpected difficulties, and even blessings knock us off our path! In it all, God works to expose, change, and mature us. He has not forgotten you or the promises he made to you. He has not left you to the limits of your power and wisdom. In ways that are glorious, yet often hard to understand, God is in your Heat. He calls you to turn from questioning him to examine yourself. Where do you question his goodness, grace, and love? Where do you toy with the idea of going back to "Egypt"? When do you neglect daily Bible study and worship? Where do you struggle with anger, envy, disappointment, and blame.?"

-How People Change, Paul David Tripp and Tim Lane

One of the most helpful things I've learned in the past few years is this concept of Heat and Thorns/Fruit. We all face Heat in a variety of ways. While the Heat can be difficult, it does not dictate our response to it. It only reveals what is already inside. Heat has a way of doing that. But what has been even more encouraging to me is that God is in my Heat. He has ordained my Heat. He has promised to sanctify me in my Heat. And he will bring me through it. I am not left to myself and my own sinful responses. I have a God who is there and who will never leave me or forsake me. If you are struggling with lasting, biblical change in your life (like me), this book is so helpful in identifying sin and providing hope for change. It was an encouragement to my soul.

On Wrestling Well

I’ve been camping out in the Psalms a lot lately. I know that I’ve said this before, but the Psalms are filled with such raw emotion. There are words for people who are joyous and words for people who are in deep despair. And they are all God’s words to his people. Last week I listened to a couple of excellent messages on our emotions and I was reminded that God did not create us to be emotionless beings. He gave us our emotions, but sin has corrupted them and therefore we must wrestle daily through our feelings—feelings that can be up one day and down the next.

This is why I love the Psalms. In the Psalms we learn how wrestle. We learn how to fight the fight of faith. We also learn about our God and his great faithfulness to us. Psalm 73 was a great help to me the other day. The context of this Psalm is the prosperity of the wicked. The psalmist says that his feet almost slipped when he saw the wicked prospering. To him it seemed that the wicked go through this life carefree. Now we know that there are many suffering pagans in this world, but isn’t it true that we can look at the seemingly fruitful lives of the unbelieving around us and feel a twinge of jealousy? I know I have. I see women with multiple children and throw a pity party for myself and my empty womb. I see people who have nice homes and I envy all their fancy things while I sit in my little one-bedroom apartment. I feel with the psalmist when he says “all in vain I have I kept my heart clean and washed my hands in innocence” (verse 12). But, like this psalmist, I need a good dose of biblical reality. And I can’t find it by sitting on my couch wallowing in self-pity. Notice where the psalmist goes from here:

“But when I thought how to understand this, it seemed to me a wearisome task, until I went into the sanctuary of God; then I discerned their end” (verses 16-17).

It was only when he went into the sanctuary, God’s house, that he was able to gain a right perspective on the wicked and their seeming prosperity. It was in the fellowship of God’s people that he heard God’s word proclaimed and was able to see the future-minded actions of God. He was also able to see that his envy and pride were turning him away from God (21-22). Isn’t that how it always works? When I am by myself I can make any thought sound like the right one, but when I’m in God’s house and am penetrated by his word through preaching and fellowship my evil thoughts are brought to light. How kind of God to do that for us.

But it doesn’t end there. He realizes that God is the one who keeps him. Even when he is faithless and faltering, God upholds him and preserves his life (23-24). And for those of us who are in Christ, he does the same thing. How often have you felt the pangs of conviction over something only to be met with the sweet fellowship with God upon your repentance? He is keeping you. He is holding you up. Even when you wrestle with the circumstances of your life, he is working all of those things to bring you to himself.

All of this wrestling leads the psalmist to say one of the more famous verses of this Psalm:

“Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” (25-26).

He didn’t get there overnight. Nor do we. These beautiful words of joy in all that God is for us do not come by the mere flip of a psychological switch. It takes wrestling. It takes living life. Sometimes it takes tears and deep anguish. The beauty of it all is not that we pick ourselves up and proclaim these truths. Rather, the most glorious thing about these verses is that God is the one who gets us to this point. Left to ourselves we will continue envying the prosperity of those around us. But God in his great mercy has made a way for us to wrestle well so we can say with the psalmist:

“But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works.”

And those are mighty works, indeed.

Count It All Future Joy

I’ve thought a lot about the experience of suffering and the Bible’s response to our suffering this past year. Before our miscarriage and infertility I quickly passed over passages on suffering, not because I didn’t see them as important, but I just didn’t relate to them. I had faced trials before, but nothing that really made me wrestle with God’s good plan for my life in the way I have recently. I don’t doubt his goodness; I just need to understand it more than ever before. While difficult, that is a good result of our suffering. It causes us to lean hard into him and desperately seek his face because without his presence in our lives we are hopeless.

Often when we are counseling suffering people there are a few key verses that quickly come to mind, and one of them is James 1:2-4. We want the hurting person to get to counting the trial as joy as fast as possible. We want them to see that God has a plan for them and be happy with it. But I’m not sure that’s where James is ultimately going with his exhortation to “count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds.” James isn’t talking about happiness here. His reference to joy is not some triumphalistic, plastered smile, everything-is-going-to-be-alright attitude. That’s not joy. Rather, it’s a confident hope in God’s good plan for me even when my heart is breaking or my world is falling apart.

How do I know this? Consider Jesus, “who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:2). The expectation of the agony of the cross was not a happy thought. It made him sweat profusely, like drops of blood (Luke 22:44). But it was the “joy set before him” How? The future joy of what his death on the cross accomplished. He is now seated at the right hand of the Father, having completed the work of redemption. That was the joy. The event wasn’t the joy. The finished work was his joy.

That is our hope to count trials as joy. Not that losing a child is a joy, or another negative pregnancy test is a joy, or unemployment is a joy, or a neglectful, abusive spouse is a joy, or a prodigal child is a joy. No, these are not joys. These are sufferings that rip the wind out of our sails. Joy for the Christian is future minded. It realizes that perfection, and the ultimate fulfillment of our joy, doesn’t always come until the end when we see the Perfect One who makes our joy complete.

Like Jesus, our hope in the agony of our trials is rooted in a deep theology of who God is and his goodness in all things. His plan is perfect, even if it doesn’t seem like it in the moment.

But James doesn’t end there. He gives even more encouragement for the struggling believer in verses 5-8:

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.”

When we are struggling to see the future joy of our trial, we need wisdom. We need wisdom and faith to believe God’s promises for us. James gives us a way of escape. We can cry out to God when we feel tempted to doubt his goodness and he will act. He is always wise and always good and will give us the grace we need to endure trials. If we don’t, then we are unstable and unable to see his grace in our lives. These verses are there for the believer who is tempted to doubt God’s goodness in their trial. They are there for you and me, reminding us that we serve a God who hears and acts on our behalf.

I don’t pass over passages on suffering anymore. In fact, I cling to them now. I don’t always feel like my trials will one day produce a future joy. Honestly, a lot of the time I buck against that. But I want to trust more and have eyes to see God’s perfect plan for me for eternity. May God make us all more like our Christ, who endured the agony of the cross for us knowing that a future joy was coming—one that would make the present reality of suffering fade away in light of his glory.

April is Sexual Assualt Awareness Month

Even though we are more than halfway through the month of April, I think it's worth mentioning that April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. I actually didn't know that until this year, so I'm not sure how long it has been held this month. Regardless of my past ignorance, it's an important issue to raise awareness about. Sexual assault is a horrible and demeaning form of violence against men and women. And while it is reprehensible, it should be talked about in our churches and in our communities. Silence doesn't make it go away. It only isolates the victim further.

Complementarians, Christians who believe that God has ordained men to be protectors and providers, should be the most vocal against all forms of abuse. And many godly men and women are. As much as we think that this could never happen to us, our church, or our family, think again. Some statistics say that one in four women and one in six men will become victims of sexual assault. It's a sad reality and as believers we must be prepared to minister to men and women who are victims of such heinous crimes.

Here are some resources out there from a Gospel-centered perspective:

Rid of My Disgrace: Hope and Healing for Victims of Sexual Assualt by Justin and Lindsey Holcomb (book)

You can read a review of the book at The Gospel Coalition Reviews

Defenders of Women by Susan Hunt (article)

CBMW Statement on Abuse

Let us all work hard to make our churches a safe place for men and women who are hurting, abused, and suffering.

Counseling and Job's Friends

The book of Job fascinates me. Between the interaction with Satan and God, God’s overarching control of everything, Job’s response in the midst of great sorrow, and the subsequent response of his friends, I have always finished Job with lots to ponder and process. We can learn a lot about counseling from the book of Job. And I found myself repeatedly praying throughout the entire book, asking God to protect me from the all too familiar tendency to counsel like Job’s friends.

There are three things about counseling that stood out to me while reading.

1. Counseling must begin with a clear understanding of God. We see from Job’s friends that they begin counseling Job from a faulty and improper view of God and how he operates with his children. They assumed that Job must have committed some sin against God in order to be the recipient of such suffering. How often do we try and counsel our friends from our own perceived view of God, rather than what the Bible says about him? Bringing a wrong view of God to people in their suffering will not only discourage them, but it will provide no hope for them in their trial.
   
2. Counseling must show empathy and care for the one suffering. Hurting people need to feel loved. More importantly, they need to feel loved by God. Sometimes that love means saying nothing. Sometimes it means showing them a bigger view of God. This is where empathy comes in. We must enter into the pain of the people we are counseling. Job’s friends started off well (Job 2:11-13), but they did not stay there. Perhaps they thought he was taking too long to get over his pain. Maybe they just didn’t understand their friend. We don’t really know. But we do know that they did not continue to serve their friend in his suffering. Often showing empathy means getting out of our comfort zone (and our opinions), but it will serve our friends.
   
3. Counseling must show people that God is for them. Job continued to hold to his innocence of wrongdoing. His friends could have helped him see that his suffering was not necessarily a result of God’s discipline. Reiterating God’s care and love for a hurting brother or sister can sometimes be the very means God uses to bring them hope.

Perhaps you are reading this and feeling saddened by past failures to counsel suffering people well. Or maybe you are overwhelmed by your inability for the task. You are in good company. We all are. But God is faithful to redeem you of insensitivity and inability. Left to ourselves we cannot help anyone. We need Christ’s work to enable us to do all that he calls us to. This is why all counseling needs to be bathed in prayer and done in humility. We must entrust ourselves to the God who is able to do immeasurably more than we could ever imagine both through us and in the lives of hurting people.