For a long time after my conversion I avoided memories of my former life at all costs. I wanted a fresh start. I wanted a new life, with new memories that didn’t even come close to resembling the Christ-less ones I reveled in before God saved me. I battled guilt, shame, and fear that my past would come back to haunt me. At first, it was a really good thing for me to be far away from my former life. I needed a change of scenery and freedom from the temptation to fall back into sin. And the farther removed I was from the debauched life I once lived, the less that life defined me.
Last week we drove through the city I lived in when God saved me. For the most part it only holds bad memories, memories I would much rather forget and pretend never happened. As we passed the familiar signs pointing to a life that now seems so distant, I was reminded of the importance of memory. Now with many years removed, and a host of good memories made since then, I have a different perspective on it all. For so long I’ve wanted to run from that life, but as I’ve gotten older I have learned that if I run I can’t remember.
Remembering is an important component of the Christian life. We remember the Cross and the great salvation attained for us there. We remember good days and milestones. We remember when God saved us and how it changed us completely. We remember words to songs that moved us and helped us grasp the beauty of Christ. But in this fallen world we also remember the bad. We are flooded with memories of how we have failed to live up to God’s standards, memories of the sin that separated us from God and threatened to undo us.
It took me a long time to know what to do with the bad memories. All I felt was guilt and shame whenever I thought back to my life before Christ. Maybe you feel that way too. Often when we think of our sin we feel crushed by the sheer magnitude of it. It disgusts us. But there is good news for us. If we are in Christ, that sin no longer defines us. It has been paid for. Romans 8:1 says: “for there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” That’s us! Satan wants nothing more than for us to believe the lies that our sins tells us—that we can never amount to more than the feelings of wretchedness. He also wants us to fail to remember, because when we forget what we were saved from we so easily forget how great Christ’s work on our behalf is.
It’s been a long process for me. For nearly eight years I couldn’t even imagine going near the places I used to live. It killed me inside knowing what my sin did to my family and my Savior. It also made me fearful, thinking that I would fall back into the same sinful patterns. But by God’s grace, last week I drove through that city, with my husband, and I was thankful. Thankful that God, in his great mercy, plucked me from my sinful state and made me his child. Thankful that my sin has been paid for and I no longer live condemned before the Father. Thankful that Christ’s righteousness is now my righteousness. Eight years ago I never would have imagined this for my life. But I am so very thankful that God takes sinful people, like you and me, cleanses us by the blood of his son, and makes us his own.
If you are feeling guilty over your sin today, or feeling like you can’t face the life you once lived, hear these words from the song, Before The Throne of God Above:
“When Satan tempts me to despair, and tells me of the guilt within, upward I look and see him there, who made an end to all my sin. Because the sinless Savior died, my sinful soul is counted free; for God, the just, is satisfied, to look on him and pardon me.”
This is our story, dear Christians. Regardless of the sins you have committed, if you are in Christ, they are paid for by the Savior. You can face whatever past you may have with the hope that Jesus has changed you and made you a new creation, and your life can, and will, be a testimony to the amazing power of the cross for sinners like you and me.
Showing posts with label Testimony. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Testimony. Show all posts
Monday, November 14, 2011
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Remembering Our Chains
At church last night the pastor profiled the Apostle Paul. As he taught through the conversion of Paul, seen in Acts 9, my own conversion came to mind. Honestly, I hadn’t thought about when I got saved in a while. Tears came to my eyes, though, as I thought back to that December morning nearly 5 years ago. Though there was no voice from the Lord calling me to repent, like the Apostle. There was, however, an unexpected, overwhelming sense of a guilt that I could not shake. Much like Paul, and many of you, I hadn’t done anything any different the night before. I was just living a godless life, knowing the Gospel, but thinking that I could wait until after college—when the “fun” was over and real life began. But God had other plans. The only explanation for why I am here today, writing this, is because God looked at me in my sinfulness in December 2003 and said, “Courtney, today is the day you will leave your darkness and follow me.” I didn’t know that’s what was happening then, but I know that now.
Often we are excited to hear about what God is doing in people’s lives right now, rather than asking them how they got saved 5, 10, or 15 years ago. It’s not that we are not excited about God saving people. It’s just that it only seems relevant to ask that question when they become a member of our church or get baptized. But it is incredibly relevant. The very fact that the God of the Universe chose to save any people is amazing enough. That he mercifully looked on us, in our sinfulness, and called us out of darkness and into the light of Christ is cause for continual celebration. We should remember our chains, not because want to wallow in our past, but because we are realizing that we are chained to Someone far greater than our past—Jesus Christ.
One of the things I appreciate about my church is that they have members give their testimonies one Wednesday a month. This is a great opportunity for us to remember our chains, and give praise to God for his work in our lives, and the lives of the people in our community. It reminds us that God is always working to bring people to himself, and conform them into the image of his Son. It is good to be reminded of that.
Last night’s message was good for me to hear. I don’t ever want to forget how God saved me. My favorite hymn is “And Can It Be” and the third verse gets me every time I sing it:
Long my imprisoned spirit lay,
Fast bound in sin and nature’s night;
Thine eye diffused a quickening ray;
I woke, the dungeon, flamed with light;
My chains fell off, my heart was free,
I rose, went forth, and followed thee.
Amazing love! How can it be, that thou, my God, shouldst die for me?
Often we are excited to hear about what God is doing in people’s lives right now, rather than asking them how they got saved 5, 10, or 15 years ago. It’s not that we are not excited about God saving people. It’s just that it only seems relevant to ask that question when they become a member of our church or get baptized. But it is incredibly relevant. The very fact that the God of the Universe chose to save any people is amazing enough. That he mercifully looked on us, in our sinfulness, and called us out of darkness and into the light of Christ is cause for continual celebration. We should remember our chains, not because want to wallow in our past, but because we are realizing that we are chained to Someone far greater than our past—Jesus Christ.
One of the things I appreciate about my church is that they have members give their testimonies one Wednesday a month. This is a great opportunity for us to remember our chains, and give praise to God for his work in our lives, and the lives of the people in our community. It reminds us that God is always working to bring people to himself, and conform them into the image of his Son. It is good to be reminded of that.
Last night’s message was good for me to hear. I don’t ever want to forget how God saved me. My favorite hymn is “And Can It Be” and the third verse gets me every time I sing it:
Long my imprisoned spirit lay,
Fast bound in sin and nature’s night;
Thine eye diffused a quickening ray;
I woke, the dungeon, flamed with light;
My chains fell off, my heart was free,
I rose, went forth, and followed thee.
Amazing love! How can it be, that thou, my God, shouldst die for me?
Monday, August 27, 2007
Confessions of a Recovering Feminist
When we think of a feminist we can all probably think of a person we know, or know of, who typifies the feminist ideology. There are all types of fixtures of feminism ranging from Presidential candidates to evangelical scholars to college students—and I am one of them. Prior to conversion I was the stereotypical Generation Y feminist—anti-marriage, anti-child rearing, and corporate ladder hopeful. After conversion I sang a slightly different tune, although held onto many of my previous ideals regarding marriage and settling down. I simply masked it with a missions/ministry focus, content to be the single girl on a mission to save a third-world country for Christ. What I did not want, or think I needed, was the idea that my changed life meant changed priorities. It was not that I needed to find a husband or chuck any career aspirations, the problem was that I thought feminism was an outside of the church issue, at least the conservative church that I belonged too. I had no notion that my heart, at its core, was fighting against the authority of God in the Scriptures, and still does have a lot of change left to be done to it.
I may have moved out of the militant feminist camp, but I most certainly have been a part of one too many male bashing conversations in a dorm room and coffee shop with my girl friends. What we must understand about feminism is that it did not originate in the wake of the women’s liberation movement of the 1970’s. And the mother of feminism is far older than Ms. Magazine and her friends. Feminism started in a garden in the Middle East thousands of years ago. Feminism is at the very heart of our fallen nature, and manifests itself in many different forms.
Recovering from feminism must first start with an embracing of the Gospel of our Lord, Jesus Christ. Only then will we see the roots severed because we will be clothed in the humility of Christ, who willingly submitted himself to the Father on our behalf. For older women it will mean embracing and modeling femininity, motherhood, and marriage in a Titus 2 way. For younger women it will mean knowing the godly women in our congregations better than we know the celebrities on late night television.
Feminist ideology is not simply relegated to the brash Gloria Steinem types, or even the female executive with the corner office. Rather, feminism rises up in ordinary women in our congregations, homes, and in the least obvious place, the mirror. Feminism is in the core of our hearts apart from the saving work of the shed blood of Christ, and not simply because we are militant against male authority, but primarily because we are opposed to the greatest authority of all—our Creator. The feminist is not some abstract “out there” woman. She is staring right at us every morning when we put on our make-up.
If we are going to make any headway in the gender discussion, we must first admit that our problem lies much deeper than a woman filling the pulpit on Sunday morning, or stay-at-home dads. Our problem lies in the fact that there is no one righteous and we are all opposed to God—we are all feminists at heart. And we can’t wake up one day and decide to be a Proverbs 31 woman any more than a man can decide to lead like Christ. Instead of seeing our gender differences as mere cultural constructions we must first admit that there was something far greater going on in the Garden than we now realize, and when Creation fell, it was distorted. In creating man and woman differently, God was pointing to the beauty of the Trinitarian relationship, and the relationship between Christ and His Church. The fact that we fight against it reveals our depravity even more.
Many times we are so busy looking for the woman with the hyphenated name that we miss the woman who scoffs at a man for opening the door for her. Both of these actions are products of our feminist heart. My “recovery” from feminism is not about learning how to bake pies or a decision to be more feminine (though these are important and helpful things), it is about repentance. Repentance of my desire to be in control and to raise my fist against God’s created order. Only through repentance and faith in Christ am I, or any one for that matter, able to renounce rebellion and submit to the Lordship of Christ. It also means truly believing that God’s Word regarding gender, and everything else for that matter, is true. Recovery for many of us will mean a reversal of the way we approach women in our congregations. It is no wonder why so many young women don’t desire motherhood when what they often hear from older women is to “get your degree first and live your life,” acting as if marriage and children was the final stamp on the end of your life as you know it.
And when I still feel the judgment rising up in me when I see a young woman joyfully choosing marriage and a family over a college degree, I realize that I have a long way to go before this feminist is fully recovered. As I grow in my walk, there is a great hope in the Holy Spirit’s promise to complete the work that Christ began (Phil. 1:6). From the time the first feminist (Eve) came on the scene, until now, we have been in a cosmic battle against the flesh and Satan because he hates the image of Christ and His Church. We await the final consummation of the good work that was started by King Jesus on Calvary. With the curse came the promise. Feminism was, and will finally be, defeated when the Seed crushes the Serpent (Gen. 3:15). And that’s good news for recovering feminists like you and me.
I may have moved out of the militant feminist camp, but I most certainly have been a part of one too many male bashing conversations in a dorm room and coffee shop with my girl friends. What we must understand about feminism is that it did not originate in the wake of the women’s liberation movement of the 1970’s. And the mother of feminism is far older than Ms. Magazine and her friends. Feminism started in a garden in the Middle East thousands of years ago. Feminism is at the very heart of our fallen nature, and manifests itself in many different forms.
Recovering from feminism must first start with an embracing of the Gospel of our Lord, Jesus Christ. Only then will we see the roots severed because we will be clothed in the humility of Christ, who willingly submitted himself to the Father on our behalf. For older women it will mean embracing and modeling femininity, motherhood, and marriage in a Titus 2 way. For younger women it will mean knowing the godly women in our congregations better than we know the celebrities on late night television.
Feminist ideology is not simply relegated to the brash Gloria Steinem types, or even the female executive with the corner office. Rather, feminism rises up in ordinary women in our congregations, homes, and in the least obvious place, the mirror. Feminism is in the core of our hearts apart from the saving work of the shed blood of Christ, and not simply because we are militant against male authority, but primarily because we are opposed to the greatest authority of all—our Creator. The feminist is not some abstract “out there” woman. She is staring right at us every morning when we put on our make-up.
If we are going to make any headway in the gender discussion, we must first admit that our problem lies much deeper than a woman filling the pulpit on Sunday morning, or stay-at-home dads. Our problem lies in the fact that there is no one righteous and we are all opposed to God—we are all feminists at heart. And we can’t wake up one day and decide to be a Proverbs 31 woman any more than a man can decide to lead like Christ. Instead of seeing our gender differences as mere cultural constructions we must first admit that there was something far greater going on in the Garden than we now realize, and when Creation fell, it was distorted. In creating man and woman differently, God was pointing to the beauty of the Trinitarian relationship, and the relationship between Christ and His Church. The fact that we fight against it reveals our depravity even more.
Many times we are so busy looking for the woman with the hyphenated name that we miss the woman who scoffs at a man for opening the door for her. Both of these actions are products of our feminist heart. My “recovery” from feminism is not about learning how to bake pies or a decision to be more feminine (though these are important and helpful things), it is about repentance. Repentance of my desire to be in control and to raise my fist against God’s created order. Only through repentance and faith in Christ am I, or any one for that matter, able to renounce rebellion and submit to the Lordship of Christ. It also means truly believing that God’s Word regarding gender, and everything else for that matter, is true. Recovery for many of us will mean a reversal of the way we approach women in our congregations. It is no wonder why so many young women don’t desire motherhood when what they often hear from older women is to “get your degree first and live your life,” acting as if marriage and children was the final stamp on the end of your life as you know it.
And when I still feel the judgment rising up in me when I see a young woman joyfully choosing marriage and a family over a college degree, I realize that I have a long way to go before this feminist is fully recovered. As I grow in my walk, there is a great hope in the Holy Spirit’s promise to complete the work that Christ began (Phil. 1:6). From the time the first feminist (Eve) came on the scene, until now, we have been in a cosmic battle against the flesh and Satan because he hates the image of Christ and His Church. We await the final consummation of the good work that was started by King Jesus on Calvary. With the curse came the promise. Feminism was, and will finally be, defeated when the Seed crushes the Serpent (Gen. 3:15). And that’s good news for recovering feminists like you and me.
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