Being a Pastor's Wife is an Exercise in Faith

My husband and I got married when we were both in seminary. He was also a part-time youth pastor. We had a short summer break after our wedding before it was back to the grind of school, work, and ministry. My dad was (and still is) a bi-vocational pastor, so I knew what life was like for a family when dad is often getting home from church just in time for dinner on a Saturday evening only to get up way too early the next morning to finish his sermon. When I was eight my dad went to seminary, so I lived in a family where my dad was working on papers, working full-time, all the while trying to be a husband to one and dad to four young children. I had no illusions about what ministry would look like. I knew it would be hard. I knew it would take time. But knowing and believing are two very different things. When it came time to believe that God knew what he was doing, I had a much harder time accepting that this was going to be my life.

The life of a pastor’s wife in a lot of ways is no different than any other Christian wife. But there are some key universally held beliefs that really get tested in the trenches of loving a man in pastoral ministry. These truths are simply what I have learned in these last three years, and therefore not necessarily exhaustive or applicable to every situation. But I would imagine that many wives of pastors probably face some variation of these struggles at some point. If you fit in that category, I hope my struggle towards faithfulness is a help to you.

Believing that God’s Word Changes Lives

If you had asked me four years ago what is the most pressing need for our churches I would have wholeheartedly said, “the preaching of God’s word!” I love the Bible. I believe that biblical preaching is needed in our churches. I believe that when we gather together on Sunday morning we desperately need to hear from God in his word.

But the real test comes on a Saturday afternoon, when my husband is immersed in his final sermon preparation. Do I believe that God’s word preached is the greatest need of his people on Sunday morning? Do I really believe that the people in our congregation need to hear from God, even if it means spending Saturday alone?

If a pastor cannot give God’s word faithfully on Sunday morning, he has very little left to give God’s people. As wives of pastors we have a unique responsibility to help him in this amazing task. From giving him a space to work, to refraining from interrupting him until the sermon is complete (this is hard for me), every ounce of freedom we give him (especially on those lonely Saturdays) is an opportunity for us to exercise trust in the never changing power of the word of God.

Believing that Jesus’ Words are True

Of course we believe that when Jesus speaks it is true. When I was a new Christian I used to boast that I would leave everything for the sake of the gospel, even my family. And while I lived away from my family long before I married a pastor, it did not hit me until that move was permanent. We are settled in ministry. And it’s not near my parents, brothers, or nieces and nephews. Jesus’ words about leaving family for his sake take on a whole new meaning when it’s not an idealistic declaration any longer.

Many of us live thousands of miles away from our immediate families. We miss birthdays, holidays, and important milestones. Our kids miss precious time with grandparents. When Jesus said we would have to deny our closest relationships for his glory he meant it. The cost of following Jesus sometimes implies that we live far away from family. But it also means that we get to experience a little piece of what he was talking about when he said “who are my brothers?” In a lot of ways, our church family is our immediate family now. We are with them at the 4^th of July picnic and on Christmas morning. And we give thanks with them around the table on Thanksgiving. While we lose memories with our immediate families, we gain new, lifelong memories with our brothers and sisters in our congregations that are little foretastes of heaven.

Believing in the Coming Joy

Every sermon preached, every holiday missed, and every trial endured is an opportunity for a pastor’s wife to exercise faith in the God who can be trusted. We must daily fight to see that Jesus is better.  He is better than having your husband free all of the time.  He is better than living around the corner from your mom, dad, and siblings. He is better than stuff. He is better than our dreams for a nice house, extra spending money, well-behaved children (or any children), and a perfect marriage.

But there is more to the story. Because we are married to pastors we have a front row seat for all that God does through our husband’s ministry. We are there for the tears and we are there for the laughter. We are there for the criticism and are there for the praise. We get to see lives changed by God’s word. We get to see families restored through the power of the gospel. Even when it is hard, we can know that the difficulty is not all there is. Every trial endured, every lonely Saturday, and every missed family gathering is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison. And sometimes, just sometimes, we get to see a little glimpse of it this side of heaven.

We Will Not Fear

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling." - Psalm 46:1-3

I read this verse to my classes on Friday. I knew I needed it, and I know enough about people to know that I'm not the only one who must daily do battle with my fears. What I love about this verse is that the psalmist does not say that trusting in God will remove all frightening circumstances. That would only be disheartening to us all. If you live long enough you know that the rain falls on the just and the unjust. But so does terror and suffering. The fallen world we live in promises that we will all be impacted by its rage at some point.

But what the psalmist does in the moments of fear is trust in the only one who can deliver him. Mountains being moved into the heart of the sea is enough to make anyone run and hide. I have never seen it. I'm sure if I did my heart would stop. The psalmist is saying that even if everything around him falls apart he will trust in God. God is the only one who can help him in such trouble. And why? Because God owns the mountains. God owns the seas. God owns every particle of this universe. There is nothing that happens outside of his sovereign will. And this is why we can trust him. Circumstances might tell us that they are the final authority in our life, but God's word says that he is. Circumstances might tell us that they will ruin us and destroy us, but God says that ultimate destruction will never happen to those who are his. Circumstances might tell us that we are alone and helpless, but God says that he will never leave us or forsake us.

In these terrifying moments it is tempting to look to our earthly provisions as our hope, but even those will fail us in the end. Instead we must say, along with another psalmist,

"Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God." - Psalm 20:7

Friday is for Food: Yummy Penne Chicken

It's been a while since I posted a recipe on here, so I figured it was time. This was my first Pinterest meal. I am not really on Pinterest, but I got on one day to look for hairstyle ideas for my brother's wedding and started looking at recipes instead. That's why I don't get on Pinterest! I get overwhelmed and distracted!

Anyway, the recipe calls for shrimp, but shrimp is not my favorite so I used chicken. And I also used whatever veggies I had around the kitchen. I really liked the addition of greek yogurt. It made it taste really good!

Here it is!

Chicken and Veggie Penne

What you need:

• 12 ounces whole wheat penne
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 4 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 pinch crushed red pepper flakes
• 8 ounces button mushrooms, sliced
• 2 medium tomatoes (about 1/2 lb.) chopped
• Salt and pepper, to taste
• 4 cups fresh spinach
• 10 ounces medium raw shrimp, peeled and deveined (or 1 chicken breast)
• 1/2 cup marinara sauce
• 1/3 cup 0% plain Greek yogurt
• 1/4 cup grated parmesan cheese

How it's made:

• Cook penne according to package directions, omitting salt and fat. Drain and set aside.
• In a large skillet with a lid, heat olive oil over medium-low heat. Add in garlic and red pepper flakes, cook for 2 minutes or until garlic begins to soften.
• Add in mushrooms, tomatoes, salt and pepper. Cook for 5 minutes, or until mushrooms begin to release their water.
• Turn heat up to medium-high and add in shrimp. Cook for 1-2 minutes, or until shrimp are pink and opaque. If you are adding cooked chicken you do not need to do this step. Remove from heat, add in spinach and cover skillet. Let spinach wilt for 2 minutes.
• Remove lid and place skillet back over low heat. Add the penne, Greek yogurt and pasta sauce.Stir until sauce is mixed well and all pasta and veggies are coated. Heat until just warmed through. Top with parmesan cheese

Why We Can't (and Shouldn't) Always Be Productive

Every young women has probably had it said to her on at least one occasion, “make sure you pursue your dreams now, because once you get married (or have children) you will no longer be able to get as much done.”

In some ways this is what Paul had in mind when he talked about the single person being free to minister, while the married one is divided in her pursuits. But often when we hear people talk about marriage and children it is with a negative bent. Divided attention hampers productivity. And in our industrious society, what you produce is what defines you and gives you value.

The culture would have us believe that marriage is the end of all aspirations and productivity. You are now tied down. You aren’t free. You now answer to someone other than yourself. While marriage does limit the freedom of doing things on a whim and working until midnight every night, marriage also gives us a really important thing that God desires for us—greater personal holiness.

Suddenly, I can’t do everything I want to do all of the time. And that is a very good thing sometimes. Marriage has made me get outside of myself and examine my priorities. Marriage has made me die to my idols of productivity that hinder me from loving my husband more than I love my pursuits. Marriage has revealed just how utterly selfish I am about “my time.” Marriage is the God-ordained institution that points to the relationship between Christ and the Church. Completing my endless to-do list does not.

As created beings we were made to be productive and to work hard for God’s glory. But this is not the only thing we were created for, as much as our western world would have us believe otherwise. We were also created for relationships with friends, family, spouses, and children, and more importantly, a relationship with our Savior. It is through these relationships that I am stripped of my sin and idolatry. It is through these relationships that I am able to see Christ in greater measure. These are realities that a solitary pursuit of my own perfect productivity can never create.

Like I said, in the relationship of marriage I have to die to self, serve, and love another person. It’s not always pay raises and glory, but it’s good. It pays much greater dividends in the long run. And while I am still thankful for the days where I can get my to-do list completely checked off, I am learning to be much more thankful for the moments of relational intimacy that marriage provides. Productivity and relationships are not in competition with one another. They both are necessary in God’s economy. And they both can easily become idols if we are not careful.

And now that I am married I am on the other end of the advice giving to young women. The next time I feel tempted to imply that your dreams of productivity are over once you get married, I will stop myself. Marriage and family are not the dashing of our dreams; rather they are the reorientation of these dreams. Through marriage and family our aspirations and desire for productivity are tempered and sanctified by the beauty of living life with another person. And that is a very good thing.

It Went As Fast As It Came

This face pretty much sums up how we feel around our place today. Why such a long face and tears, you ask?

The Olympics are over.

For over two weeks we were glued to our television. I suppose it is a good thing that we will do more productive things now, like sleep and read books. But for right now, we are just sad. Sad that we have to wait four more years. Sad that all of the hype is over. Sad that our favorite athletes will now fade away from our minds.

When I was younger I would be depressed (maybe that's too strong of a word) for days. Now that I am an adult, I'm not depressed today. But I must admit, this morning felt a little bit like December 26th to me. And who really likes December 26th?

School starts tomorrow, too. Life will quickly be filled with papers to grade and lesson plans to create. The Olympics were good while they lasted. Now it's back to reality.

Bye, bye Olympics. It was a fun two weeks!

Our Deepest Longings Are Met in Jesus

This is classic Keller and so helpful.

"You see, at that moment Jesus had the power to heal the man's body [the paralytic], just as he has the power to give you career success, that relationship, that recognition you've been longing for. He actually has the power and authority to give each of us what we've been asking for, on the spot, no questions asked.

But Jesus knows that's not nearly deep enough. He knows that whether we're a paralyzed man lying on a mat or a struggling actor or a former struggling actor who's become a celebrity, we don't need someone who can just grant our wishes. We need someone who can go deeper than that. Someone who will use his claws, lovingly and carefully, to pierce our self-centeredness and remove the sin that enslaves us and distorts even our beautiful longings. In short, we need to be forgiven. That's the only way for our discontent to be healed. It will take more than a miracle worker or a divine genie -- it will take a Savior. Jesus knows that to be our Savior he is going to have to die.

And we will discover that in the process of dealing with what we thought were our deepest wishes, Jesus has revealed an even deeper, truer one beneath -- and it is for Jesus himself. He will not just have granted that true deepest wish, he will have fulfilled it. Jesus is not going to play the rotten practical joke of giving you your deepest wish -- until he has shown you that it was for him all along."

Tim Keller, The Kings Cross: The Story of the World in the Life of Jesus, p. 35-36.

Delivered From Fear

I have talked a lot about fear on this blog, probably because more than any other sin in my life, fear is my biggest besetting sin. I imagine that I am probably not alone. Even now you can probably think of a myriad of fears that plague you on a daily basis. And when those fears rise up and threaten to overwhelm us we are so prone to think that if we can just get past that moment we will be able to truly conquer our fears. I tend to have markers for my fear. For example, when I am flying on an airplane I think if I can just get to cruising altitude, or at least halfway through the flight, I won’t be afraid anymore. My marker is my barometer for fear. My fear is based on the changing of my circumstances. But what inevitably happens? My circumstances don’t always change. The plane hits turbulence for the duration of the flight. And my trusty marker is not a worthy protection against fear.

The psalmist doesn’t look for markers or changes in circumstances when he is faced with fear. Rather, he gives us a foolproof way to fight our fears.

Seek the Lord.

David says, in Psalm 34:4, “I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all of my fears.” There are two things to notice immediately about this verse. The first is that David has fears. That’s comforting for all of us reading the Bible today, right? Here is the man after God’s own heart and he faces fears just like the rest of us. Second, we see that David does something with those fears that seems to remove them from him.

The remedy for fighting fear is not to set-up markers or to hope in better circumstances. We might hit the markers, but there will always be something else to fear. And while our circumstances might change for a little while, the fact that we live in a fallen world ensures that we will be dealing with frightening circumstances until we are with Jesus in heaven.

He will deliver us from our fears. This does not mean that our circumstances will necessarily change, but it does mean that we will have hope in the midst of frightening days. As we seek the Lord our perspective changes. We see the God who holds it all together. We are given renewed hope that he is in control, not whatever is paralyzing us with fear. When we seek the Lord in our moments of fear (and all of the time, really) we are able to trust him in greater measure. Seeking the Lord, as David did, is really an exercise of faith in the God who has promised to never leave us or forsake us. Fear can cause us to forget this very important truth.

Fighting fear is an active faith. It means choosing to seek the Lord even when the flaming darts of frightening circumstances are flying at our head a million miles a minute. But as David learned, so can we learn that seeking the Lord is the only lasting remedy for the fears that assail us.

Whenever I prepare for a flight I always have to do battle with my fears. And this is just one of the many fears I face on a regular basis. The fears might change, but the answer stays the same. The God who controls all things, including the outcome of my fears, is worthy of my trust. He has, and will continue to, deliver me from all of my many fears. All I need to do is seek him.